Feb. 13th, 2017

Feb. 13th, 2017 04:12 pm
marchionessofmustache: (Default)
Soooo I went to the doctor yayyyyy. He is nice and comfortable so that is good.

I was super nervous though and like could barely talk. Even though I didn't really have a reason to be. But I'll be better next time?

I got a like... paper with my next appointment but it also had like... a list of various information like my weight and blood pressure, and even had a list of the things I'm officially diagnosed with. It actually seems really scary when you read it but I don't think it's so bad?? There are five things lol X_X but I feel like three of them are just saying "depression" in various ways. But they say things like "severe" and stuff on them lolol. And then anxiety and panic disorders which were the only things I was really sure of. Maho Aikawa has panic disorder, too, lol. Recently she was diagnosed with it and had to stop her activities with ANGERME for a while to undergo treatment, and she says she wants to try to continue her activities with ANGERME to be an inspiration for people with anxiety disorders, and I thought that was really cool (and honestly inspiring) so I really hope that she does end up able to come back. But I know how hard these things can be so...

I tried to talk about autism but Dr Nolan kind of just ... went past it, like a 'let's focus on this for now' kind of thing, which was fine. Like, Dr Marlin was just like "no ur not" like immediately without hearing me out. But since a anxiety and autism are comorbid and a lot of symptoms can be attributed to both or either, I think it's fine to like... try to 'work out' anxiety stuff a bit first. Like, I'm just glad he wasn't like... dismissive about it.

Also I got a grape sucker. Also I tried to initiate small talk twice. Err, once. Once someone said something to herself and I thought she was talking to me and I said 'what' and she said she was talking to herself but then started talking to me anyway. She told me she hates the scales in the doctor's office because they always say she's heavier LOL. She said that she feels like she's lost weight and other people tell her she looks thinner and her pants are looser now. I said maybe you grew some muscle mass. She said she doesn't grow muscle sitting on her ass all day. Then she said something about the weather and I said it feels like spring now even though it's winter and I was proud of myself for being able to say that LOL

And then when I was at the check out thing at the office there was a box of lollipops and I just like... whispered loudly at the box "DO YOU HAVE ANY GRAPE?" and the clerk was like I think there's one in there and then I said 'I had grape jelly for breakfast' but she didn't respond so that was my failed smalltalk attempt today LOL. But I was feeling kind of good after the appointment was over.

Anyway, Dr Nolan isn't a therapist but referred me to one but then I found out that the reason I haven't been able to get a therapist yet is because they don't take my insurance at the place I've been referred to but no one told me this??? I was just waiting for them to contact me lol.

So now I have to call this other place, and I don't feel comfortable about this place. It's the place that next to the apartment (like, our parking lots touch lmao) so it's convenient but like their website creeps me out and I feel like all they do is try to force you to get jobs and like they have testimonials (why does a hospital have testimonials lol) that are like I WORK 3 JOBS NOW! WORK WORK WORK! and all the testimonials are about how much they are doing work????? It's super weird and uncomfortable. But I guess I need to at least try it especially since this is the only place that will take Medicaid for therapy anyway lol.

Anyway I got increased meds again lolol soon I will be on like MAX PROZAC or something. But I don't have to take the giant Prozac anymore, but now have to take like three little ones. I don't know what is worse honestly... and I have to take two of the green things like at different times of the day and I don't want tooooooo. Also I got like a thing I can take just as needed, like a thing that helps if I'm already having anxiety day or something, which is good, I think that will be helpful... Maybe I'll try it when I have to use the phone lmfao.

I kind of want to play unsaga because I'm so close to finishing Kurt's scenario but like... I'm just so exhausted from today. Not only did I go to the doctor, but I went to the pharmacy and the grocery, too (they're both on the way on the walk home). At the grocery, though, there was some kind of problem and the manager had to come up and start ringing people up. This happens a lot and I'm glad because he's gorgeous and has a lovely mustache and cute nose. So I at least got to look at him a little lol. But I was ready to die by the time I left lol. I need to shower too after all that walking but like.... uuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

I wish there was like... a service you could use to like... have other people call things for you when you need to make calls. That would be great.

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marchionessofmustache

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