Mar. 22nd, 2017

Mar. 22nd, 2017 04:28 pm
marchionessofmustache: (Default)
IDK if I updated about this last night but

The programming for all of the play diary sites is done. Well, not Innocent Life but I'm not going to add that til later I think. Because that's a ton more editing and going back and finding images I deleted and stuff...

So I'mma work on editing the rest of the entries (partly done with Scarlet Grace and need to do all of RSG3) and programming the grammin tut site. Then I'll be ready for launch. IDK if I'll launch right away or try to finish up some more of the play diaries and iron out the programming site or what.

I also plan to eventually have many subsites, like an art portfolio site, and I was to make some game fansites (well, maybe not multiple, but I at least want to create a serebii-like site for unsaga, then might expand it to the whole series?)

So I'm feeling pretty good lol.

I have therapy tomorrow and am actually looking forward to going. I think I might (MIGHT) be able to deal with the waiting room better this time. But I have a lot to talk about and like... usually a big thing that makes me nervous is I feel like I won't have anything to say and won't know what to say and stuff >_>;

But I have many things this time XD From things I looked up about that we talked about last time, and what's happened in the last 3 weeks, and stuff I realized about myself, etc.

I think I already posted about my SUDDENLY SUICIDAL day a week ago, and then I thought I was falling into depression again, but I feel like I'm not anymore lolol. I think maybe I had a very short depressive episode or something, or I'm just like... a lot better at dealing/recovering from one because of meds and stuff.

BUT a thing happened today, too. After getting an autism diagnosis, I've been more analytical about my behaviors and actions. I didn't really want to think too much about it before since I wasn't really sure if I was autistic or not, but after having a doctor say so I feel more comfortable like... really analyzing myself with that perspective I guess.

Anyway, I've notice that I'm more attached to routines than I thought previously. I used to think I didn't really have any attachment to routine (which was also something that made me wonder if I might not have autism) but rather it's that I am very adverse to changing or forcing routines. Because the word "routine" makes me think of forced routines, my immediate reaction to the word "routine" is I HATE THEM lmao lmao. But I noticed that I have to do a lot of things the same every time, and things that are really not problematic at all are stressful simply if they happen out of order or at weird times or whatever, and trying to force new routines or whatever is DOOOMMMM so...

But yeah anyone who knows me (especially who knew me in college where I had a lot more control over what I ate and stuff) knows that I even do stuff like eating the same food for every meal every day for years and stuff soooo lmao. And maybe even this is a reason I don't like going places because I'm used to being at home and only going places at a certain time.

ANYWAY that was way too much introduction to the THING. One thing I'm particularly comfortable about is going to the laundromat every Wednesday morning, and then walking to the grocery while the clothes are washing because they're in the same strip mall thing.

BUT TODAY I LEARNED THE GROCERY IS CLOSING. And there was like... nothing in it. Like, just a bunch of candy (and tons and tons of Peeps). And everything was like 90% off. But there was nothing there anyway.

So uh this was stressful one because DIFFERENT and two because WHERE DO I GET FOOD NOW? It's the only grocery within walking distance, and the market is closed during the time I'm at the laundromat... I can go with my dad to the grocery if he goes on a weekday but it's really stressful not knowing what day it's going to be and sometimes he even goes on a day or at a time when I can't go soooo uh LOL JUST NO FOOD I GUESS. I guess I can start going to the market some time on like Tuesday afternoon or something idk...

ANYWAY so it was actually kinda fun in the empty grocery except the music was loud and the people cleaning up made some loud noises and I got scared lmao. But I did get some cherry jujus for only 15 cents!! And I had 54 cents so I was able to get three lol. I gave one box to my brother and going to give one to Dennis too.

So, I was needing to get groceries today but I couldn't, so I asked my brother if he would go to the market with me and he said no. So I went by myself. And like a fire truck came by and the noise about killed me, and then I got to the market and realized it was closed, even though I know it opens at 9, but I'm just... not used to being out walking around before 9.

So being in empty parking lot with like siren noises and SUDDENLY realizing my Wednesday grocery time will never come back and that I don't have any food kind of hit me all at once (uh plus I was not planning on walking this far and didn't wear a coat and was very cold) and I had a meltdown like... in this parking lot lmao. Well, I was able to get to the building and like... cry against the wall lol. It only lasted like... idk, 5 minutes, and then I walked back to laundro and no one could tell I had been crying because I was also just frozen so it looked like I was just super cold which I was.

Then I tried to drink coffee but I didn't want to touch the Styrofoam so I was like carrying with a napkin and drinking from a stir stick but I was trying not to look at the Styrofoam and I dropped it lololololol. But I was next to trash and I could feel it slipping so I like... leaned toward trash bin and dropped it in there. Then I didn't want to try to get another one. I actually drank a whole cup and that was my second one so yay?

Anyway, after dropping coffee and crying in a parking lot, I came home and somehow felt a lot better. Usually stuff like this would like... make me dead for a whole day but I still was able to exercise and play Imperial SaGa and work on the website a bit. I have less spoons than normal but like way more spoons than like... any other day that starts like that lmao. Also I still had a bit of food so I can still eat today and my dad said we could go to grocery tomorrow. But I was thinking of trying to start going to the grocery on like... Mondays? Like, replace my exercise that day with walking to the grocery lol and like... try to start buying more produce. Buying it on Thursday and not eating it til like Tuesday sounds like a bad idea. But the grocery is gone now so it doesn't matter so I'm going to just keep eating bologna every day lol. I have all this motivation to do actually make changes in my life but not the material wealth required to make those changes. And who knows how long this motivation will last and if it goes away when it will ever come back so LOL

But I'm feeling good for this moment so that's good LOL. And maybe by a stroke of luck someone will buy me tokimemo 3 limited edition XDDD *nudges everyone reading* and by that I mean I'm nudging no one lmaoooo

Oh yeah, in Imperial SaGa, I trained Old!Will and Tetis and they turned out pretty awesome. I also retrained Bear alongside, and he turned out good, too. I could have enjoyed a bit more Attack from Tetis but I'm still not unhappy. I've also crafted a lot of stuff, so I have enough Wisdom Pendants to outfit all my mages, and three Unparalleled Rings! I'd like to have like... at least five or six of those though. But even just having 3 is really nice.

I'm hoping Tetis will glimmer Grand Slam soon. I keep spamming the 9-star event quest (and GS is even a rank 9 art!) but it's a no-go. I sacrificed the promo Hawke I had (which had a Kobayashi art I'd never seen before?!) to give her a powered-up Shell Smash, which is pretty nice. I also cashed in all my meisei and had enough to get like 600 characters from it LOLOL but I dumped them all in the castle for medals and bought another mage robe thing and ... power suit... I don't remember the names of the armors really. WAIT, no, I bought the Vernie Suit thing, which I had none of. But it's the only armor that offers magic defense, so I think I'd like to have it for Bear.

Sadly this event is giving not very many of the ore things I need to upgrade all these armors -_-; And you can only get these ores from events and like... once this event is over the next like... several events will probably have the other kind of ores (there are 4 kinds of event ores), so like... I'll probably have to wait like 2 months before I can even collect these again :\ I do have most of my Powered Suits to +2, and I would really like to get the Witch Robe to +5 (it's at +4). And power up the Vernie Armor a couple times? But uhhhh don't have that much ore. I'd have to spam this event quest like nonstop to get enough...

Though I might spam it a lot because I really want to get the prize for 20,000 event points (or maybe it's 200,000 idk) but I'm over 3/4 of the way there, and the prize is a gold medal.

But yeah lol imsaga. I'm thirsty but all I have is water and I want like a soda or tea or something so bad XD I mean I have coffee and tea but I want a cold thing and I don't want to like make hot thing and ice it and alskdjfklasdjf just someone deliver me a Dr Pepper please. And TokiMemo3 Limited Edition. And like, a pizza or something. Er, no, I want like... curry XD

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