Apr. 11th, 2017 11:11 am
marchionessofmustache: (Default)
It seems like lj's new TOS broke DW because too many people were rushing here at once or something hahaha.

I'm almost caught back up to where I realized I wasn't taking any screencaps at all in Laura's scenario lol.

I haven't played with Urpina in a couple of days, but I missed out on a bunch of the characters I was planning on having in my final team. I think I may have talked about this already...? So I'm just kinda picking the best from who I do happen to find, and I'm not going to "try" for any characters from here on out. There are just SO many options and so many missable things in this game, which is both good and bad, but I do have a nice team of 9 and am looking for a 'male' mage for the party now, as the only role I don't really have filled. Though I did look through the characters and it seems there's only one even left available, and getting him seems to require some pretty specific choices, so I MIGHT try for him when I get to that turning point, but I'm also not wanting to look at guides much, so...

Also Urpina has like a million endings or something X_X; Leo only had two and it was based solely on your decision just before the end. Urpina's different endings are impacted as early as finishing the little intro chapter of her story it seems.

But I'm really trying not to look at the guide too much lol. I just looked more when I couldn't find the characters in the locations they were supposed to be, and realized I missed out on a lot of stuff.

I might start writing the Laura scenario play diary later today. I have a looootttt to write because I pretty much am going to be done with the entire story except the last couple of adventures lol. I should probably upload the Urpina caps and start on those, too, because it will take forever...

I've been having a hankering to play SaGa 1 or SaGa 2 recently. I want to make play diaries of them eventually, but I don't want to start them right now, so maybe I'll just play through one of them for fun. I've cleared SaGa 1 a few times, but never SaGa 2, though I've gotten pretty far. Or maybe I should play SaGa 3 even though I ... really don't like it that much haha.

I might actually start the TokiMemo play diary this week, too. Especially since I'll probably get my book today. I'm kinda slowing down on the website because I've been feeling burned out and a friend and my therapist recommended I pace myself better and not put too much pressure on myself.

Also, I mentioned that I looked for a job the other day and my therapist was like shocked and seemed hesitant to accept that and was saying more stuff about how I have to do stuff at my own pace.

In one way I still feel kind of... weird/bad/tired about being treated like a "severe" case (IDK if I mentioned this but I was also instructed to take all sharp objects out of my room lololol) but at the same time it's a bit... reassuring/validating that... I'm not just lazy/stupid and I have serious problems that make it difficult for me to find and maintain jobs and complete tasks and maintain interpersonal relationships and stuff.

Oh, Joe was in town this week and we played Catan yesterday and it was fun but a little awkward, and I guess he and his wife got a divorce, but I didn't know, and I asked them if they were planning on having any kids (which I know is an obnoxious question, but we were already talking about kids/pregnancy so it was not like super random?) and then he was like "oh about that" and I felt terrible, but I guess it was a civil parting, they just realized marriage wasn't for them and are still friends and still work/live together? Er, they might not live together anymore, but I think they still work at the same school (idk lmao I don't ask about details on anything so I never know anything).

Anyway, yeah, that was weird, and we talked about Star Trek which is good and now I feel like watching Trek but I don't because I hate watching things and I'm playing like three SaGa games right now and feeling like starting another for fun and starting Tokimemo and like... lol. And I feel like drawing recently, too -- I want to be able to make a coloring book for dens for his birthday, which is over two months away, but making an entire book's worth of drawings could easily take two months or more, so I should get started on it. Probably I should dedicate at least one day a week to it, and I don't want to do it when he's around because I want the contents to be a surprise (though I could easily hide it from him when he's around anyway since it's not like he looks at my computer screen that much and his eyesight is very poor so he hardly can see anything on it anyway, and I can just zoom or minimize when he's near so he can't see what it is... actually I might be more motivated to work on it around him, so... maybe I'll start doing that...)

Feb. 12th, 2017 11:49 pm
marchionessofmustache: (Default)
I was just playing Scarlet Grace and I like... ignored doing something in the game because I didn't want to do stuff out of order because it makes for bad play diary.

But I don't think I should be doing that... XD I mean, it's fine for games I've played tons of times before, but this is my first time playing the game and I want to just experience it how I experience it XD So I'll probably not do that in the future, play diary be damned. I've already written some messed up random entries because I was running all over the place in the game, so...

So much stuff has happened in this game. I feel like I've seen enough content to fill an entire game but I just keep discovering more and more stuff to do. This is the game they should have called "unlimited" hahaha.

Speaking of that game, though, Kurt's scenario is getting close to the end. I don't know if I'm going to keep going past the final story event and clear all the subadventures or whatever. I think I might just go to the end once I feel the party is good enough (I feel like they're pretty close anyway). But I should be able to finish it in a couple more play sessions. But probably longer, because I think I'm going to split the save file just before the final story progression event happens and go to the final boss from there, and then go back and go on and go to the final boss again... so I have to beat it twice lmao. But I want to show the difference in the story paths, because it's only the final adventure that is different.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment, with the psych. I am scared lol. I really shouldn't be, though. But you know, that's how it works. I don't know what they are going to want me to say and stuff. And I'm not good at saying stuff on my own. I'm not really good at answering questions in general. I guess this is a thing other people can do, but when people ask me "what do you think about..." or "how do you feel about..." I don't really understand what these questions mean. I don't know what kind of answer I'm supposed to be giving.

Like, it's not that I'm afraid to be honest or open it's that I literally can't understand the question. Like what does it mean to say what you "think about something" ?? I don't get it. I don't just have some kind of single thought about it? I mean, the amount of thoughts I could give it are theoretically infinite? What do you say? What kind of thought? Whenever I try to ask people though, they just get mad lol. It's even worse with how I "feel" because I usually feel nothing or it's just as endless and complex as how I "think" about it so...

But that's the kinds of things doctors ask you lmao.

I'm also afraid to like... bring up autism because my regular doctor like... dismissed it so quickly. It makes it intimidating. But the guy I'm seeing apparently works with autistic people, so... maybe he will be more understanding and helpful about it.

Also yesterday Dennis said he was worried he may have been coming down with a flu or something, because he had a headache and was feeling a bit nauseous. I said that I was feeling those things, too, but I figured it was just anxiety. He asked me why I was feeling anxious and I said "because I have an anxiety disorder." And after I said it I suddenly felt scared because I realized it was a thing that sounded sarcastic or smart-ass or whatever, even though it wasn't meant to be. It was just the answer to what I was asked. And I was really afraid he was going to get mad or whatever.

But he actually gave me a hug and asked what he could do. And I just kind of talked about it a little, even though talking doesn't really help, but more just to help him understand since he was willing to listen. And it was nice. Anxiety + relationship is surprisingly a difficult thing.

You would think that it would just be natural for people who love each other to just... accept these kinds of things and be helpful but. It's not so easy. It's hard for someone without a problem like this to really understand what it's like. And when people can't relate to stuff, they tend to feel like other people are wrong or making it up or something. Plus having anxiety all the time and being unable to do basic things like get out of bed or go to the grocery or have a conversation is really taxing on the other person. It messes with their day. It is frustrating and confusing. And that wears on people over time. It's easy for them to get frustrated, bottle it up for a while until they're really upset about it. They start holding it against you, thinking that you're being selfish.

It's not just Dennis -- this is how everyone reacts lol. I can't tell you how many times I've been told I was selfish or asked why I can't think of others because I was mentally incapable of doing something, beyond my control. And I already felt bad that I was letting other people down or inconveniencing others or whatever and having them blame me to my face only makes that worse.

But that is kind of just my life lolol.

Uh the main reason I said that though is because I really appreciate Dennis a lot because he really does try hard. And there have been times that he has made mistakes or gotten frustrated or I didn't communicate myself properly and I was upset with him about these things, and I tend to rant about that a lot, but I don't talk as much about how much I can really tell he tries a lot and really wants to be supportive.

Anyway I wrote myself an email called "why you are broken" lol. So I can look at it in the appointment and have things to say.

I guess I will write about it here in more detail, mostly to organize my thoughts, but if you want to know what my struggles are like, I guess you can read it XD

I'm not going to cover everything that was in the email, like I just made a list of physical symptoms like headache and stuff, but I don't think that's really something I need to work out thoughts on. I know what headache is.

Read more... )

Sep. 1st, 2016 05:28 am
marchionessofmustache: (ロマサガ3・ウォード ♥ 普通)
I always make fun of Dennis for thinking stuff like lobsters and shrimp are fish, and that fish are not animals (and therefore lobsters are not animals)... like I often ask him if he thinks something is an animal or not because I think it's bizarre how he categorizes things...

Like, it started originally because I said something about bugs being animals, IDK why, and he was like "WTF bugs are not animals??" and I was like.... "Um... do you think they are like plants or fungi or something...?" and he's like "No they're bugs!!!" and like idk then we talked about this and I learned he thinks birds and fish are not animals but are their own category of living things that are NOT a part of animal category???????? And I was just like wtf wtf wtf and then like... I guess he thinks like... lobsters and crabs and stuff are fish??????????????????????? And like if it lives in water it's a fish no matter what it is LOL and like turtles are kind-of fish or something, it's like half-fish half-animal LOL and stuff like that but yeah

Anyway, I was watching "What's My Line?" which is like this 1950s game show where people would come on and a panel of celebrity guests would try to guess the person's occupation by asking yes/no questions about it. And this lady sold lobsters... and they were asking questions like "Is it an animal, bird, or fish?" and stuff?!?!?!?!!? Like as if those were different things??? And like... when they asked if it was a fish, she said yes and no one thought this was strange?????????????????

LIKE SO I GUESS I KINDA FEEL BAD FOR MAKING FUN OF HIM OVER THIS BECAUSE HE WAS JUST RAISED TO THINK THAT LOBSTERS ARE FISH AND FISH AND BIRDS ARE NOT ANIMALS. I just thought he was weird but I guess people used to really categorize animals this way??????????????????????????

But yeah the only reason I was even watching this was because I talked about Peter, Paul & Mary and then wanted to see stuff of them because I have a crush on all three of them LOLOL

pictures lol )

ANYWAY I had more things I wanted to say but I forgot.

Oh yeah I ate like a baby squid today... full-body, eyes and all. The eyes were like really firm and chewy like a really dry, stale raisin??? But it was mushy too because it was wet and slimy because it's a squid.

Anyway, I meant to go to sleep like 3 hours ago or w/e after I finished posting that last Innocent Life post but I've been doing who knows what (uh, watching stupid old show where people think bird is not animal and lobster is fish LOL I actually watched it twice X_X) but yeah, I sleep now.

Aug. 12th, 2016 07:18 pm
marchionessofmustache: (ロマサガ3・ウォード ♥ 普通)
Like I said last night, I'll post about FF9 today XD But first, today is our anniversary. We went to the mackerel place hahaha. They also had flounder. It's a buffet so it's all-you-can-eat. I ate so much... I had 3... pieces... of flounder (idk what to call them, it was like just a big cut of the fish down the middle?) and like at least 15 pieces of mackerel sushi. I had a few other things but eating the raw flesh of a dead fish is the best lmfaoooo. Well, only really mackerel. I mean other raw fish is good but mackerel is just so amazing XD Then we came back to Dennis's and he gave me a box of Cheez-It as present and I gave him nothing. Now he's sitting with heat pad because he is in pain. And now I'm on the computer. And that's about that.

So I'm gonna go through FF9 and try to remember the stuff I wanted to talk about while posting my screenies :P

There are early-game spoilers ahead. I'm mostly going to keep to opinions of the game/characters/etc. and not really try to detail the story too much, so I think if you haven't played it, it won't really give too much away. But still some stuff will be revealed anyway, and you'll see random screens from the game (though without too much context, as I'll just assume the reader either knows what it is already or doesn't want to know the spoilery details XD)

lots of pics ahead )

So yeah, that's about it lol. I had some other things to say but I forgot oops. I have way more screencaps on Steam (and way way more in the local files) so you can check them out there I guess if you wanna see more. I like to kinda take them and make little comments as I go.

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