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marchionessofmustacheWell, I've been keeping up on getting one victory in Street Fighter every day...! I'm on Ryu with Vega right now. Sometimes he yodels. I need to edit my ongoing SF2' post with my thoughts; I've already completed Balrog and haven't written anything about that yet.
After I finish watching Survivor Series 1993 I'll just have like a month of episodes left and I'll have finished all Raw and PPVs for 1993. Huzzah! I haven't watched anything in the last couple days, though; been mostly spending all my time on Twitch.
I really need to call to apply for SSI like... soon. I'm trying to figure out if it's possible to apply online right now but Dens is listening to Tiktok with the volume all the way up and laughing hysterically at it sitting like right next to me and it's taking me like several minutes to type up a sentence for this entry because I can't really concentrate. Reading feels nearly impossible lol.
But yeah I'm in a 'comfortable' position right now because Dens is capable of providing for me but it's not fair on him for me to rely completely on him for everything (well, I do contribute through EBT Snap benefits at least) and I have to consider longevity in the case that anything might happen to him or by some bizarre turn of events we split up (though 11 years in and doing wonderfully, I can't imagine anything like that happening lol).
But of course making a phone call is an incredibly daunting and taxing thing, and having to do an entire application over the phone is like... wow. I need a thousand spoons for that and my daily quota is like ten lmfao. I actually sat and held the phone in my hand shaking for like 2 hours this morning but didn't get anywhere. Maybe I'll talk to my new therapist about it next time.
Oh yeah, that's a thing. I have a new therapist now. My regular one like... got very sick or something? IDK if he's going to come back, honestly. They make it sound like he will but his health seems to be getting progressively worse and he was already talking about retiring anyway, so... this will probably just push him over the edge.
Oh well, there's not much that can be done about this whole thing now that it's the weekend anyway, so I think I'll look into seeing if online applications are opened back up over the weekend and if not, try to get a better number to call. The general number just puts me on hold for like an hour then hangs up on me. At least it did the one time I tried before lol. I haven't had the willpower to try again since then.
I'll leave the SSA tabs up and hopefully remember to do it tomorrow. TBH the biggest motivating factor in all this is that I'd really like to get better internet LMAO. Since my needs are met right now anyway, it doesn't put any kind of pressure or sense of urgency on needing to provide for those things, even though I do have a sense of guilt over not doing it for myself. But I mean, I have a husband who willingly provides for me and regularly reassures me that he wants to do so... that sense of urgency just isn't there.
But recently I've been trying to motivate myself by selfish factors -- if we had additional money not only could I provide for myself and help out with other things that are needed like when we need new appliances or phones or whatever, but I could also do FUN STUFF like buy collectibles and get better internet lol... but also I'm considering using the next stimulus check to pay for better internet for a year and then we can choose to cut back down to shit internet if it's not sustainable. But that's more me looking for 'outs' to ... not apply for SSI. I wish making a single phone call wasn't so difficult for me. And I guess I could technically have Dens do it for me but I feel terrible about that and honestly he would be really uncomfortable doing it because he isn't particularly comfortable on the phone and he wouldn't know what he was doing and would have to keep asking me things which would just make us both anxious and yeah that's just a terrible idea. It's better to just wait until I can muster up the courage to do it myself. But I don't know where to start in my journey of courage-mustering. So yeah I'll definitely have to talk about this in my next therapy session, which sadly is only monthly now because of the high demand. I used to be able to get therapy every week, then it moved to every two weeks because I didn't feel like I needed it every week, but now I'm lucky to get one promptly one month after my last one, and it's a little stressful sometimes, because sometimes I really need advice or at least reassurance to help me get through being alive.
But I make it sound way worse than it is -- I don't really have any challenges right now (except for applying for SSI which is not urgent at the moment) so I'm able to coast pretty well and without having to challenge myself and having a great support system in Dens, I can live pretty comfortably. But it's because I have a very cushy life -- I have all my needs provided for and have a very supportive and helpful spouse who is available 24/7. My obligations pretty much are just going grocery shopping every other week, which I don't have to do alone, and is something routine I'm adjusted to so it only provides minimal challenge for me.
But yeah, I'm rambling at this point and really need to get to bed. But hopefully overthinking about this stuff will be somehow motivating to me tomorrow??? I doubt it, but hey XD
After I finish watching Survivor Series 1993 I'll just have like a month of episodes left and I'll have finished all Raw and PPVs for 1993. Huzzah! I haven't watched anything in the last couple days, though; been mostly spending all my time on Twitch.
I really need to call to apply for SSI like... soon. I'm trying to figure out if it's possible to apply online right now but Dens is listening to Tiktok with the volume all the way up and laughing hysterically at it sitting like right next to me and it's taking me like several minutes to type up a sentence for this entry because I can't really concentrate. Reading feels nearly impossible lol.
But yeah I'm in a 'comfortable' position right now because Dens is capable of providing for me but it's not fair on him for me to rely completely on him for everything (well, I do contribute through EBT Snap benefits at least) and I have to consider longevity in the case that anything might happen to him or by some bizarre turn of events we split up (though 11 years in and doing wonderfully, I can't imagine anything like that happening lol).
But of course making a phone call is an incredibly daunting and taxing thing, and having to do an entire application over the phone is like... wow. I need a thousand spoons for that and my daily quota is like ten lmfao. I actually sat and held the phone in my hand shaking for like 2 hours this morning but didn't get anywhere. Maybe I'll talk to my new therapist about it next time.
Oh yeah, that's a thing. I have a new therapist now. My regular one like... got very sick or something? IDK if he's going to come back, honestly. They make it sound like he will but his health seems to be getting progressively worse and he was already talking about retiring anyway, so... this will probably just push him over the edge.
Oh well, there's not much that can be done about this whole thing now that it's the weekend anyway, so I think I'll look into seeing if online applications are opened back up over the weekend and if not, try to get a better number to call. The general number just puts me on hold for like an hour then hangs up on me. At least it did the one time I tried before lol. I haven't had the willpower to try again since then.
I'll leave the SSA tabs up and hopefully remember to do it tomorrow. TBH the biggest motivating factor in all this is that I'd really like to get better internet LMAO. Since my needs are met right now anyway, it doesn't put any kind of pressure or sense of urgency on needing to provide for those things, even though I do have a sense of guilt over not doing it for myself. But I mean, I have a husband who willingly provides for me and regularly reassures me that he wants to do so... that sense of urgency just isn't there.
But recently I've been trying to motivate myself by selfish factors -- if we had additional money not only could I provide for myself and help out with other things that are needed like when we need new appliances or phones or whatever, but I could also do FUN STUFF like buy collectibles and get better internet lol... but also I'm considering using the next stimulus check to pay for better internet for a year and then we can choose to cut back down to shit internet if it's not sustainable. But that's more me looking for 'outs' to ... not apply for SSI. I wish making a single phone call wasn't so difficult for me. And I guess I could technically have Dens do it for me but I feel terrible about that and honestly he would be really uncomfortable doing it because he isn't particularly comfortable on the phone and he wouldn't know what he was doing and would have to keep asking me things which would just make us both anxious and yeah that's just a terrible idea. It's better to just wait until I can muster up the courage to do it myself. But I don't know where to start in my journey of courage-mustering. So yeah I'll definitely have to talk about this in my next therapy session, which sadly is only monthly now because of the high demand. I used to be able to get therapy every week, then it moved to every two weeks because I didn't feel like I needed it every week, but now I'm lucky to get one promptly one month after my last one, and it's a little stressful sometimes, because sometimes I really need advice or at least reassurance to help me get through being alive.
But I make it sound way worse than it is -- I don't really have any challenges right now (except for applying for SSI which is not urgent at the moment) so I'm able to coast pretty well and without having to challenge myself and having a great support system in Dens, I can live pretty comfortably. But it's because I have a very cushy life -- I have all my needs provided for and have a very supportive and helpful spouse who is available 24/7. My obligations pretty much are just going grocery shopping every other week, which I don't have to do alone, and is something routine I'm adjusted to so it only provides minimal challenge for me.
But yeah, I'm rambling at this point and really need to get to bed. But hopefully overthinking about this stuff will be somehow motivating to me tomorrow??? I doubt it, but hey XD
