marchionessofmustache | Entries tagged with life

I bought Clock Tower: Rewind on my Switch. I've played the SNES version before so it's not NEW but there are new things and it feels 'new' because I just bought it, and it's making me want to play it.

But I'm afraid if I play it I will abandon Girl's Side, and I'm one run away from finishing my playthrough of all the brains.

But I've already played 7 runs of Girl's Side back to back lol.

There's also Pokemon Day tomorrow, and it will probably entice me to play a Pokemon game... there's also rumors we're getting the original three generations of games on the Switch, but when I looked further into it, all I could find was a fan mock-up, and that might be where the rumors started, so there's no real foundation to them... unless the fan mock-up was a response to the rumors and there's a little credit to them...?

In an ideal world, we'd get said collections and they'd surprise drop after Pokemon Presents, but that's extremely unlikely XD They'd probably give us time to preorder...? Unless they're going to be digital-only.

Personally my guess is that those games are slated for Virtual Console on the Switch 2, as there are rumors we might be getting the return of the VC. But then we wouldn't hear about them tomorrow and would probably have to wait until AT LEAST the Switch 2 direct.

Either way, if we DO get them, they'd have to include online mode... as you can't complete the dex without trading. And people would be very unhappy if they didn't allow that in a rerelease.

But yeah... I don't want to play Girl's Side because I'd rather play my "new" game, but I don't want to play Clock Tower because I don't want to abandon Girl's Side. It's quite a conundrum XD

I only got one or two endings on the SNES version (the bad/early ones) so there's still a lot I haven't seen in CT. Sadly, though, a lot of the story has been spoiled for me by playing Clock Tower 2, which recaps the events of the original and references it a lot. I already know the identity of the killer and who dies and who survives lol. But I don't know exactly how it plays out, so I'm still interested in playing the game. And I mean, I replay games all the time, so knowing the story ahead of time has never deterred me from a game.

And for those of you who would like to know, Den is doing well after his brain surgery and recovering better than expected. He mostly just eats and sleeps as that's all his body longs for right now. But he's not in much pain (more discomfort than anything). He does long to be more active, so I'm trying to keep him calm and satisfied with lying around lol.

So, I don't update here much, as I mostly keep to talking about stuff in general on Discord, but I feel I should get this 'documented' here. Especially because I kinda wanna get back into blogging about tokimemo (and maybe Sonic... eventually) and will surely mention it as most of play time will be from the hospital.

So, a year ago, I think I posted about it here, Den developed lung cancer and had a wedge removed of his lung, and they told him his cancer was in remission and they got it all.

Well, turns out they didn't, and now it's stage 4 and has spread to his brain, and possibly other places (we're going to be checking for those soon).

We went to the ER last week because he developed aphasia, and on top of that was having headaches and blurry vision. So we thought he had a stroke and needed to be checked out. CTA scans returned showing lesions in the brain, however. Long story short, after being juggled around by hospitals who weren't able to provide him the care we needed, we FINALLY got him admitted to one in downtown Indianapolis that can take care of him, and we've learned that he has at least 3 tumors and one is large and growing quickly. The large tumor is in the left frontal lobe, which is why it is affecting his speech so much.

He's very slow to form coherent sentences, and even then, sometimes they're not so coherent because he will use random unrelated words instead of the words he intended and not even realize it (example: he referred to pillows as "spoons" and sausage as "pills," etc. without even noticing ht is saying completely unrelated words). Nouns seem to be mostly affected, but now and then the wrong verb or particle or whatever slips out as well.

Because of his age and health (he's also for some reason having terribly high blood pressure) they want to keep him admitted to the hospital and also do not want him to undergo a biopsy. Because of this we are technically not 100% certain it is cancerous but it only makes sense, and all the doctors feel certain it is. He is going to begin radiation therapy soon (they did radiation mapping today) and it may take from 5 to 20 treatments before he will be finished with radiation. If they find cancer elsewhere they may also introduce chemotherapy treatments.

Worried about the stress and toll on his body, Den is not 100% certain he wants to undergo treatment, and might rather live a shorter, happier end of his life at home. Being the age he is, death is something we've talked about a lot and wanted to plan for -- and while I'm certainly never going to be emotionally ready, I have been preparing myself for the inevitable for a while now, and I will respect his decision no matter what. I told him I want him to make the most selfish decision he can and not elongate his life into suffering just for the sake of existing around me for my sake. I'd also rather see him happy and stress-free in the end.

As of right now, he seems to be leaning toward treatment, as it doesn't sound like imminent passing is right around the corner, and he may be able to earn a longer, happier life through treatment payoff.

As long as they can figure out the blood pressure thing, he should be able to continue his treatment as outpatient soon. Right now he is staying in the hospital as his team of doctors closely monitor, test, and prepare him for treatments. But he may be able to return home as soon as tomorrow or the day after at the earliest.

As for me, I think I'm still in denial with my feelings of him being gone soon, yet still making practical plans in case it happens. I think when he does pass, it will stun me for a bit and THEN become very overwhelming. Right now most of my anxiety revolves around making appointments, providing care, all the driving between home and the hospital... not so much on worrying he might die lol. It kind of feels strange that I don't even think about that part. I guess I am waiting to deal with it when it happens, emotionally at least. I'm trying to get him to pay off the house (he keeps procrastinating on it, partly because I think he is in denial that he might die before paying it off 'naturally' at the end of his mortgage cycle; I think it was actually supposed to be done today with the current offer). I might even ask if I can just do it for him (accessing his money), but I'm a little afraid of having that conversation hahaha. I mean I already have access to everything anyway, but I've never utilized my access to his accounts and such on my own.

I've been researching things like section 8 and homeowner's insurance and stuff -- if he leaves me the house and the car, I'm allowed to have them repercussion-free on disability, while any money he leaves me will have to be paid to social security, so I'm trying to convince him NOT to leave me money other than the cash in the safe which will remain unreported lol. But I'm not sure if I have the mental capability to keep up on home ownership. I might also not have the financial capability -- since disabled people aren't allowed to save money, if an appliance broke or something, I'd just be screwed. I guess I'd have to go on payment plans and then not afford anything else or something? I don't know.

But yeah, those are the kinds of things I'm worried about right now. It's not that I'm not emotional about the whole thing -- I've had my share of cries and panic attacks and such at the thought of having to lose my beloved, the most important person in the world to me... but I haven't gotten to the point when I'm wallowing in it. I think it will hit me harder when it actually happens. And I think, maybe, I, too, am in a bit of denial and hanging onto that hope that everything will go well and we still may have quite a bit of time left together.

Anyway, that's what's going on.

So, I had a dream that I was a researcher at a university and I had a little office. I was in a commons area and there were lots of other researchers, students, and teachers and they were talking about sciencey things and arguing theoretical physics and stuff. It made me sorely miss academia. I really miss being able to talk about that kind of stuff with people.

It makes me wonder what kind of communities I could get with like that online...? I have no outlet for it IRL anymore. I didn't go to school for sciences, but we still talked about theories of second language pedagogy and stuff a lot. I need to get back into listening to science and math podcasts and stop listening to so much pop music (but I wanna be top 0.05% of JoJo Siwa fans on spotify again this year!)

Part of it is I just want to keep my brain sharper, but the main part is that thinking about and discussing intellectual topics is just plain fun. I miss being able to talk about this kind of stuff. It's just me and Den now, and we just talk about like TV and music and true crime and cooking and other general interest stuff on a surface level. Nothing stimulating or challenging.

Getting back into computer programming would be nice, too. It would be cool if I had a team of artists that would help me make games. I'd be MUCH more willing to program games if I didn't also have to create the art and music and write the story and etc. But you can't just go online and be like "hey who wants to create an entire game's worth of assets for free?" lol.

I actually had a friend willing to do it once but his art kinda (and by kinda I mean really) sucked and the game looked absolutely awful, so I lost motivation to continue hahaha. Thankfully he won't be reading this XD He can do really awesome art but I feel like he was just throwing stuff together for our project and it looked bad. I easily could have made better assets myself.

Maybe I can get back into programming with a simpler game, like making a Koi-Koi game. I've wanted to do that -- creating one with a furry theme, or an eroge where you basically play strip Koi-Koi lmfao. But even those small projects require artwork assets and such.

I think part of the appeal of making games is the ability to work with a team. It really helps with motivation.

But I guess I'll just keep on living the lonely, braindead life. I'm working on a guide for a Switch game right now for GameFAQs. Maybe when I finish that I'll think about getting back into gamedev.

So, I kinda forgot to post about this here (I have so many places I'm updating), but several days ago, we had a meeting with Dens's cancer specialist, and it seems 1. he is cancer-free now, and 2. he will not have to be on oxygen permanently. So his spirits are very lifted now, and he's doing more around the house, and I'm a lot less stressed out. Yay :)

Well, Den had a part of lung removed... biopsy... turns out it was cancer. So they had to take out a large part of his lung. Now he's on an oxygen machine/tanks. But at least we're home? Not sure how long it will last. He's no longer in good spirits thanks to all of this... It doesn't help that all he's doing is researching internet stuff about the 'dangers' of oxygen and stuff and working himself up X_X;

For me I'm quite worn out, I got so stressed (?) that I got very sick, lost my lunch, and ended up falling asleep 8:30 PM lol.

Don't really feel like going into too many more details about everything, but that's pretty much eveerything anyway.

Before going on, I want to make a a little note. To be short, Dens likely has cancer and is getting part of his lung removed next week. This has been a thing I've known about for a little while and is why I haven't been working on any of my projects or doing much of ANYTHING but playing mobile games.

But I started to break out of that by playing some more comfy things (things I'm very familiar with that are easy to play, like Story of Seasons and Digimon and stuff), and I'll hope to get back into the Pokemon Watchthrough Blog soon, as well as my playthrough of Sea of Stars. But for now I'm having trouble concentrating on something where I just sit and watch, especially since I have to 'actively' listen to understand Japanese (if my mind wanders, I miss what is being said), and feeling very intimidated by things I haven't experienced before.

Watched a friend speedrunning Duke Nukem tonight got me into watching Mega Man speedruns, which made me kinda wanna casually play some ol' ROCKMAN. Particularly in the mood for an X game, and I've created "perfect" stage orders for the first four games, but I've been kinda "stuck" at 5.

Also, random note: I use a mix of Japanese and English terms here because I'm playing the JP version but using EN guides as a reference, so... I don't care to clean it up or be consistent ^_^

( the deets )

I might have talked about this in a previous post, but Dens is wanting me to empty out my bank account because he thinks that the less money I have the more "disabled" I will look and it will increase my chances of getting SSI faster lmfao. Of course, this is... most likely not the case, but originally he was going to have me just go to the bank and take out all the money immediately, but I told it would look suspicious if suddenly all the money was gone. But really I just didn't want to take the money out :P

Then today there was a dead opossum in our garage so we called a wildlife expert to remove it. Well, we didn't know if it was dead or asleep and didn't want to risk waking it up and scaring it into the attic or something weird like that. But yeah, that cost $200 for them to come pick it up and take it away. So I offered to pay for that, as the first thing to empty some money out, so hopefully he won't bug me about taking money out for a while.

But the main reason I wanna keep money is because there's lots of goodies coming out soon. We've got RetroMania Wrestling, Harvest Moon: One World, Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town, and Rune Factory 5 all coming out in the first half of this year, and SaGa Frontier Remastered coming out in Summer. So I need my munnies. I've already preordered Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons. I kinda tweeted that I wasn't going to get HM since it's not including same-sex marriage, but... oops.

I don't know what I'm going to do with the other stimulus check(s) that will come in the future. I don't really NEED money right away, so I might just take them out in cash and give it to Dens.

If (when????) I get onto SSI, I'm going to start 'paying my way around here,' paying for the phones and internet and chipping in on the mortgage and stuff like that, basically using up all the money, but freeing up some of Dens's money. If I have extra, since disabled people aren't allowed to save money, I'll start getting into collecting again, I guess? Or put it back into Twitch or something.

But yeah, that's a long road ahead, and I don't want to be counting any chickens.

Which reminds me I need to get back to playing Friends of Mineral Town...

I've been obsessively playing mobile games, which I need to get away from but... the thing is I really like mobile games hahaha. They're easy to stay attached to, and they require little effort and a lot can play themsevles, which is good for depressive episodes when you have low motivation and manic episodes when you have low concentration, but you still want to keep yourself "busy" and feel like you're accomplishing something.

The problem is that they eat up a ton of time, because they require you to grind all day to accomplish your goals unless you want to spend $3000 a month on them. And even if you DO spend money on them, they still reel you in with daily missions and timers and stuff to prey on your FOMO.

But yeah, what I've been playing (with videos!):

( Read more... )

So I've been bad about keeping up on literally anything; I've basically just been lying around and playing mobile games all day (currently, Dragon Quest Tact and Disney Music Parade). Have been "meaning" to come on here and post but there's not really much to post about when you do nothing all day. I also have been failing at keeping up on Street Fighter...

I'm working on getting another application for disability done, hoping to do it 'right' this time. I more than meet the requirements in the Blue Book, so it's more just... my ability to convey this, which is not the best lmao. But I think I got it this time.

Right now I'm waiting on the medical record people to call me back. All I want to know is the date I started treatment and their facility but apparently that's a WHOLE BIG THING.

Well, I've been keeping up on getting one victory in Street Fighter every day...! I'm on Ryu with Vega right now. Sometimes he yodels. I need to edit my ongoing SF2' post with my thoughts; I've already completed Balrog and haven't written anything about that yet.

After I finish watching Survivor Series 1993 I'll just have like a month of episodes left and I'll have finished all Raw and PPVs for 1993. Huzzah! I haven't watched anything in the last couple days, though; been mostly spending all my time on Twitch.

I really need to call to apply for SSI like... soon. I'm trying to figure out if it's possible to apply online right now but Dens is listening to Tiktok with the volume all the way up and laughing hysterically at it sitting like right next to me and it's taking me like several minutes to type up a sentence for this entry because I can't really concentrate. Reading feels nearly impossible lol.

But yeah I'm in a 'comfortable' position right now because Dens is capable of providing for me but it's not fair on him for me to rely completely on him for everything (well, I do contribute through EBT Snap benefits at least) and I have to consider longevity in the case that anything might happen to him or by some bizarre turn of events we split up (though 11 years in and doing wonderfully, I can't imagine anything like that happening lol).

But of course making a phone call is an incredibly daunting and taxing thing, and having to do an entire application over the phone is like... wow. I need a thousand spoons for that and my daily quota is like ten lmfao. I actually sat and held the phone in my hand shaking for like 2 hours this morning but didn't get anywhere. Maybe I'll talk to my new therapist about it next time.

Oh yeah, that's a thing. I have a new therapist now. My regular one like... got very sick or something? IDK if he's going to come back, honestly. They make it sound like he will but his health seems to be getting progressively worse and he was already talking about retiring anyway, so... this will probably just push him over the edge.

Oh well, there's not much that can be done about this whole thing now that it's the weekend anyway, so I think I'll look into seeing if online applications are opened back up over the weekend and if not, try to get a better number to call. The general number just puts me on hold for like an hour then hangs up on me. At least it did the one time I tried before lol. I haven't had the willpower to try again since then.

I'll leave the SSA tabs up and hopefully remember to do it tomorrow. TBH the biggest motivating factor in all this is that I'd really like to get better internet LMAO. Since my needs are met right now anyway, it doesn't put any kind of pressure or sense of urgency on needing to provide for those things, even though I do have a sense of guilt over not doing it for myself. But I mean, I have a husband who willingly provides for me and regularly reassures me that he wants to do so... that sense of urgency just isn't there.

But recently I've been trying to motivate myself by selfish factors -- if we had additional money not only could I provide for myself and help out with other things that are needed like when we need new appliances or phones or whatever, but I could also do FUN STUFF like buy collectibles and get better internet lol... but also I'm considering using the next stimulus check to pay for better internet for a year and then we can choose to cut back down to shit internet if it's not sustainable. But that's more me looking for 'outs' to ... not apply for SSI. I wish making a single phone call wasn't so difficult for me. And I guess I could technically have Dens do it for me but I feel terrible about that and honestly he would be really uncomfortable doing it because he isn't particularly comfortable on the phone and he wouldn't know what he was doing and would have to keep asking me things which would just make us both anxious and yeah that's just a terrible idea. It's better to just wait until I can muster up the courage to do it myself. But I don't know where to start in my journey of courage-mustering. So yeah I'll definitely have to talk about this in my next therapy session, which sadly is only monthly now because of the high demand. I used to be able to get therapy every week, then it moved to every two weeks because I didn't feel like I needed it every week, but now I'm lucky to get one promptly one month after my last one, and it's a little stressful sometimes, because sometimes I really need advice or at least reassurance to help me get through being alive.

But I make it sound way worse than it is -- I don't really have any challenges right now (except for applying for SSI which is not urgent at the moment) so I'm able to coast pretty well and without having to challenge myself and having a great support system in Dens, I can live pretty comfortably. But it's because I have a very cushy life -- I have all my needs provided for and have a very supportive and helpful spouse who is available 24/7. My obligations pretty much are just going grocery shopping every other week, which I don't have to do alone, and is something routine I'm adjusted to so it only provides minimal challenge for me.

But yeah, I'm rambling at this point and really need to get to bed. But hopefully overthinking about this stuff will be somehow motivating to me tomorrow??? I doubt it, but hey XD

So I followed Dr Phil's facebook page because he's hot (yeah I know) and then I started getting a bunch of ads for episodes of Dr Phil which I don't care about at all because I hate Dr Phil and his stupid show. IDK what I was expecting. But then I went a step further with my idiocy and started looking at the comments on them when I would get really bored.

That's really all I should have to say.

In not so stupid news, I've been doing a YouTube LP of Another Wonderful Life. This game is... tedious. At best. I'm not sure what possessed me to do this because I knew it was going to be like this going in. But here I am!

I'm trying to get the 'scholar' ending for my kid, but I have no idea if I'm going about it in the right way. It helps to build the food processing room and the milking room thing but I'm not going to have much money for those things because I'm spending all my time digging and trying to avoid growing crops and getting too friendly with my animals for fear of pushing the rancher or farmer careers. The dig site is not a good source of income to begin with, and I'm not even selling most of my dug-up stuff because I'm using it to befriend scholarly-like people like Daryl and Dr Hardy. I've started befriending Van and will work on Grant, even though I'm not sure if they influence scholar or not. It seems that I'll have to actively work at discouraging other routes, which I'm a little afraid to do. But we'll see what my child's natural inclinations are like when he is born...

I'm still not 100% set on which husband I want to go for -- I have all three options at max affection and am just collecting the last of their cutscenes (just have the winter scenes to go) and then will make my final decision. I'm strongly leaning toward Rock because I always do Gustafa and I recently have watched through a friend's stream playthrough where she picked Marlin. But Rock is kind of stupid, and all of his cutscenes make me hate him more lmao.

So IDK what I will end up doing. Probably just going with Rock anyway. I'm more concerned about my child than my husband -- husbands end up being pretty superfluous anyway XD Marlin's kid is too strongly dispositioned toward farming and ranching that I'm afraid of him, and Gustafa's kid is just a mess of depression and anxiety that I don't feel like dealing with. I have enough of that IRL lol.

I've been neglecting Scarlet Grace because I'm not sure what I want to do in it at this point. I kinda want to restart and recruit characters I failed to recruit before, especially getting Keegan who I learned is only available in Leo's scenario (and I already locked myself out of getting him). I understand the Monster Rank system a lot better now, and I'm more confident in my ability to power up my party.

In fact, I think I'll start that over right now, hahaha.

So, our internet is being poop recently. Like for four days. It might be the router. Dens doesn't want to replace it. I don't even have $10 to replace it. Such is life. It's being super weird -- yesterday the connection was perfectly fine on our phones and the Switch, but neither of our laptops could get a good connection. Most of the time, no devices are working really well.

It's being "good" right now so I figured I'd write this up :P

I've been working on The Strelitzia Inn. I added a bunch of content to the Scarlet Grace page. I've got pages for Techs, Incantations, Roles, and Glimmer Sets. Very fun. Haven't really written the actual content for the pages, but all the programming and data are there, which is what really matters. I don't think anyone really needs to read a blurb about what Techs are when they're really just there for the list of techs anyway :P

I have to admit, playing all this SaGa makes me have a huge hankering to pick up Minstrel Song and Unlimited Saga again. Minstrel Song would make for a good new play diary. With unsaga, I lost all my save data, but I already did the play diaries for like hundreds of hours worth of content XD So I guess what I would do is just catch back up where I was in Ventus's scenario. I wouldn't necessarily have to play through all the other 6, either. Then I could finish those diaries out. But losing all that progress is so demotivating. But I'd also like to start working on the game script and character walkthroughs sections of TSI.

Same I wanna start working on TSI content for Minstrel Song. Mostly I just want to get a good compendium of player characters with all their stats and growth rates with PICTURES. One of the worst things for me in team planning in that game was the fact that I didn't know what everyone looked like since there's so many characters and some of them you can go entire playthroughs without seeing. In fact, I STILL haven't seen them all, I don't think. So it would be really nice to get pictures of everyone. It's very important to make the team match aesthetically!! Actually, I just like having a team of hot people oops.

But yeah. Our neighbor recently suggested that I make a website for her. She would pay me. But I don't want the responsibility of actually maintaining the site, and I fear that I'd end up having to create content myself for it, which is... something I shouldn't be doing and something I'm super uncomfortable about. But I have a feeling she will just be like "OK MAKE ME A WEBSITE" and then give me like no direction and no assets and like just expect a website in return.

Like, this was just a passing suggestion that she likely forgot about already but it's giving me terrible anxiety lol. But maybe I should force myself to do it to get a bit of extra money. I'll need some to pay for hosting for TSI next year (it's sad that I'm worried about getting $100 over the course of like 10 months lmfao). And maybe if she gave me regular money for maintaining it, I could pay to get cable internet instead of DSL...?

Wow, it's really hard to go back to normal text editing/entry after using vim all day hahaha. I wish vim-like input was the standard, but uh... I can see why it's not XD

Lalala. I've been working a lot on TSI so I don't really feel like doing anything now.

I found a drabble I had started writing, and it was Innocent Life smut.

Innocent Life.

What is wrong with me XD

(If you want deets, it was Cossack x Liberta non-con, even laksjdflakjsdflk)

I should write Scarlet Grace fic 9_9 Though IDEK what I would write about. Probably Daddy Lighthouse's backstory. Speaking of Scarlet Grace and story, I really want to familiarize myself with the Celestials and their lore. The worldbuilding in SaGa is so delicious, but I'm so vague on everything in Scarlet Grace. But it seems like there's so much there. It's easy to keep track of the 'gods' of Unlimited Saga because there are none ^^ The closest thing you have is Iskandar.

I think the official guidebook actually has art of some of the Celestials, too. Maybe I'll start taking notes about them as I play from now on. I haven't done TOO much in my Leo game -- I'm mostly just powering up my party and saving the actual quests for later while writing TSI content. So I can start writing notes about the Celestials to flesh out the world more in my head when I get to those parts.

But SaGa lore just makes me want to play unsaga again :P For a game that's mostly just menus, it's such a robust world XD Maybe it's because it's the vaguest that I'm able to expand it so much in my head?

OK I gotta stop writing. Hopefully the internet is still working so I can post this.

Also I need to make unsaga icons. I miss having unsaga icons. I need Scarlet Grace icons too. Forget all the wrestlers XD I'm not even really into WWE anymore, anyway.

Sooo guess what? My disability claim got denied again. I think we're getting to the like, final stages where I can't even appeal anymore...?? I can appeal this one, though. IDK wtf I'm going to do if it continues to get denied. Like, apply again from the beginning? I don't know what choices I really have. Destroy myself working???? Well, rather than get destroyed I tend to just get fired/quit quickly because... I can't... work... which is why... I'm doing... disability... but... YAY GOVERNMENT

Anyway, that means I'm not going to be able to stream for quite some time because we can't afford better internet. So I'm considering getting back into YouTube. But my tired old lappy might not be able to handle recording anymore. So we'll have to see. I also need to ~totally legit and legally~ get my recording software back. Everything died in the hard drive crash. Everything.

I'm considering doing Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life. I've been watching my friend stream it, and am reminded of how tedious and stupid it is, and I'm like "WOW I want to subject myself to this again!" because... you know, I'm so smart and cool. I could also do ChoroQ HG4, since I did ChoroQ HG2. And then I can always do Unlimited Saga for my like 13095283095th playthrough because I lost my game saves and need to develop them back up to work on TSI content anyway. And I need to ~~finish~~ redo Shepherd's Crossing. And I can always do RSG2 and RSG3. If I had a capture device I could do SGSG, but alas, no moneys. I was actually kind of relying on the whole disability thing to go through this time, which is why I picked up Scarlet Grace on Switch instead of PC. Well, that, and I was afraid it wouldn't run on the old lappy.

For AnWL, I was thinking to focus on getting the kid into a certain job, instead of just 'letting it go,' since that's... all you can really do in the game, so it would break up the tedium a little... at least in the beginning... and give me some kind of goal. But I don't know exactly whose child I want to have (lol) and what job I'd want to do and choosing that is hard and annoying lol. I think I want to go the scholar route, since it seems more 'challenging' than the others. You need to get some of the most expensive things in the game, which means working your ass off on the farm... but that also means influencing your child to be a rancher or farmer. Marlin's kid is already wanting to be a farmer so that seems tricky. I've played Gus's kid too many times already. Maybe I'll go for Rock's kid? But I hate Rock. But I've also never married him, so... XD

But yeah. Those are my things.

And here's THE GAME UPDATES

ROMASAGA3

I've been playing the crap out of this. After the harem party died, I played an Ellen game, and I got through a lot of it. Got the party filled out and headed to the Fire Fortress to grind out some power just because I wanted to (less because I needed to) and then decided I wanted to work on TSI stuff. So I restarted again as Sarah so I could find English names and images for all the monsters. It's coming along pretty well, though there's not much there yet. But it's fun. I also 'linked up' the item pages to the bestiary and stuff. Funtimes.

But yeah Sarah's scenario is annoying because Sarah grows so slowly and the characters I want are all late-game characters. Peony will probably be the first I can get to and even then I can't even get the Show of Wonders to appear... I don't really know what I should work on next. I might go down the Archfiend Palace tower again and reach the locked door or something? I can't do the Vanguard murder thing. I can't do Muse's dream. I can't do anything XD

SAGASCA

Ambitions is a ton of fun, I didn't know what I wanted to focus on so I just ran around to all the areas gathering up the gifts for visiting towns. Then I went straight for the library and now I'm going to go outside the borders to get Tissue Sack. I've been using Rico a lot but he WON'T FRIGGIN GLIMMER MIZUCHI and it's frustrating. I also don't have ANYONE on shortswords which is bad lol. I might go run to that... one... region... and see if I can't pick up Chichi, because she'd be pretty good for that, I think. I don't remember what her Acuity is, but I'm pretty sure her DEX and SPD are good.

POKEY

I've been... chugging away at Pokémon Shield. I don't really have anything to do in it really but work on my competitive Pokes, but I'm at a standstill because I can't get a Spritzee or Aromatisse with Aroma Veil, and this is like... the cornerstone to my entire team I planned out. I guess I could work on a Singles team but... ugh, Singles. On Wednesdays I've been playing with friends and doing raids, which has been pretty fun.

So I guess I should try to think about updating here more >_>

Actually, I want to, not so much because it will actually get read (shoutout to N, my only reader!) but because I just want some kind of outlet to dump my thoughts to no one but in a place where they could potentially be read. It's weird; I don't like keeping a personal journal or diary because it seems pointless to me, but if there's a chance someone will read it, it seems to have meaning to me hahaha. Even when I was but a wee tot and writing in my first paper diary, I imagined someone finding it one day and reading it as some kind of chronicle of my amazing life.

Anyway, let's update on me...?

I don't remember when I last posted. My website died, and I'm waiting to get more money to put it back up. Sadtimes.

All I've been playing recently is Mega Man; I've actually started speedrunning, which is a trip. I was always intimidated by it and thought I would grow to quickly hate the game I was speedrunning or get burned out really fast, but it's actually quite my thing. Similar to recording no-damage runs, it's just practicing the same thing over and over until you get it perfect (or, well, good enough) which is something I like to do.

I'm just doing glitchless MM1 because it's something I'm already quite familiar with and decently good with. I'm used to doing no-damage/no-death attempts, so going for speed is a really interesting change of pace. Because there's times you have to force yourself to get hurt, which at first I didn't like, but then it added another resource management aspect to the game -- in addition to managing your weapon energy you also have to manage your life energy, which is interesting. Deciding exactly how many times you can get hit and where you can afford to do it, stuff like that. It makes me pay more attention to how much damage enemies do, which is something I never thought too much about before since I mostly played without taking much damage to begin with. That being said, fuck Suzys.

I already have a list of games I wanna try speedrunning when I finish getting my first major personal goal in Mega Man (25:25, enough to be in the top half of the leaderboard). One is the original Duke Nukem (like, the platformer) because a couple of twitch friends of mine are running it and it seems fun. And then I want to do ZZT and Into the Gloom, because there are currently no categories for either of those so it's a free WR hahaha. But also because I'd like for there to be categories for those.

May as well make a speedrunning tag *shrug kaomoji that I'm too lazy to look up*

I probably have like 100 more things to talk about but can't think of right now. I'll try to post more here in the future.

oh, life things.

I got so caught up talking about games that I forgot I have a life outside of that. Me and Dens are moving in together. Well, I'm moving into his house with him. That sounds more accurate. Oct 31 or earlier. Crazy. I'm looking forward to it, though. I also have my disability hearing coming up Oct 22. Life is a stress.

ETA: I just looked at my recent entries and found a private one that was the beginning of a Jean/Cossack fic I was writing hahahahaha

Current Music: Opeth - Ghost of Perdition

sooooooooooo I have rant

In recent years, more straight people go to Pride events than queer people (at least here, which is all I'm talking about). And like this isn't an observation it's like a recorded thing, and it's not just a little thing it's like... Pride has become some kind of weird straight party time.

Sure they're flying rainbow flags and whatever, but it's about as meaningful as St Patrick's Day. There are articles and stuff in local news sites and papers and mags and stuff like "10 best local places to go for pride!" and it's like... corporate places that are doing something they'd always do but slapping a rainbow on it. Seriously there's not a SINGLE mention of local queer business. And there's a lot of gay businesses here, a lot of them perfectly straight-friendly, who are doing Pride things. I mean, they're all doing Pride things. It's Pride.

Even our homophobic neighbor went to Pride and showed it off on facebook, all like "Time to party!!!!!1" when she openly hates gay people and encourages conversion therapy and stuff. It's become THAT straight-focused that anti-gay people are celebrating "Pride" now.

It like really really really really bothers me that Pride has become some kind of toy or accessory for straight people. Like, it's not only annoying but it's sad. If I think about it too much I literally tear up. Like right now kinda lol. I mean I haven't shed a full-fledged tear over it yet but I'm still properly upset.

I don't even personally participate in Pride stuff because I'm an unsocial shut-in who is afraid of leaving the house, but it still means something to me and is something I support, and that meaning being taken away to turn it into ... this... is just... ugh.

It reminds me of how there was an article in a local mag a little while back about why we should allow straight people in gay bars. And it's a response to a backlash against gay bars literally just becoming hangouts for straight women. And I saw a lot of my friends actually supporting the article, claiming that we should allow straight people because gay bars should be a "safe space" and it's like... that's... not even what 'safe space' means...??????? Like... it's literally supposed to be a place where gay people can go and know they're away from being treated differently by straight people, and that includes being treated like zoo animals who are fun to go watch because they're not straight.

It's not that straight people are completely unwelcome or should be unallowed. Straight people can come with their gay friends, or if for some reason they really want to support the business alone. Straight people can come for a number of reasons, and that's perfectly fine. They're allowed! It's just that it's perfectly normal and honestly expected to frown upon and discourage straight people coming to gay bars solely for the novelty. Queer people and queer culture are not a novelty. And a safe space is no longer a safe space when it's frequented by people treating it as such.

And now all of Pride is becoming a straight novelty. Young queer people (oh god I am old) these days are following that new-age accept-everyone-and-everything-no-matter-what kind of mentality where any kind of exclusion for any reason is """"bad"""" and we shouldn't be critical or thoughtful about anything, just ACCEPT everything. Young queer people are uninterested in queer history and are trying to push older queer people out of queer spaces. They don't treat older queer people as mentors, but as nuisances. I've seen young people heckling older people in bars, calling them "grandpa" and telling them to go home. And I go to a gay bar like less than once a year. And if I'm encountering this stuff, it's got to be commonplace (and according to other people, it definitely is). The older generations are no longer reaching out to the younger generations because they're rejected. And people are forgetting important history.

So somehow this rant became "kids these days" but yeah. Straight people are ransacking and appropriating queer culture, and the younger generations are encouraging it and it's just............... SUGH.

最近日本語練習したいと思うのにどうやって練習していいか分かんない

先日MONKEY MAJIKというポップロックバンドを初めて見つけた。通りで、その「日本に行っていいな～」って感じが出てきたの。こんな時すごい練習の鼓舞がくるけど日本語はやっぱり難しいよね

所説（五十嵐隆久の『リカ』）を読もうと思ったけれど２，３つの単語だけ読んでからまだ辞書でなんかを調べなければ続けないままですぐに疲れるんだ。新聞と方はそれより読みにくい

ゲームをやるのがもちろん楽しいけど、普段の日本語ではないんだ。モンスターを戦うなんての言葉がいらないだろう、普通の日本語で

ときめきメモリアルはいいかな。しかも最近ときメモをやり過ぎたので燃え尽きになちゃったんだ

どうしようかなぁー

（今デニスがテレビを見てちょっとうるさいなｗ）

あぁ、良いことがあったよ‼　ぷよぷよeスポーツがPuyo Puyo Championsというタイトル付けて英語にローカライズするのだ‼5月７日に発売するはずだというの。楽しんでいる～　Havest Moon:Light of Hopeを買うつもりだったけどそのお金でぷよぷよの方に費やそうっとｗ

>important social services document due that if not turned in by deadline means they take away my means of living
>take a picture of it on my phone on fax it with some weird free fax website literally 1 minute before the office closes on the deadline date

hahaha me.

Just realized (or rather, found out after forgetting for like the 10th time) that Mega Man 11 is only going to be $29.99 at launch. So I was able to pre-order it. As petty as it sounds, I hope Scarlet Grace doesn't come out for a while in English so I can try to save up for it and play it day-1. I don't want to miss out on that excitement even if it means everyone else has to wait XD It's probably going to be a full $60 game, since it had that kind of pricing in Japan (and the original version was a full-priced game and this is like a DX edition).

Also, the additional stories (CONNER!!!) for Cytus 2 were on sale for Rayark's 7th anniversary (... damn, should have checked if VOEZ was having a sale, too!) so I splurged and bought those. Now I have less than $10 to my name and probably won't get any more money until next year :(

Speaking of sagasca, I've been really wanting to draw Urpina recently??? But LOL putting effort into something.

Actually, it would be a lot easier if I could keep my tablet out all the time. Moving around a lot and having to use the laptop, I have to keep it packed away and get it out of my bag every time I want to use it. When I used to have the Wacom just plugged into my desktop, I would draw all the time. I guess I could start getting the tablet out as part of my 'setting up the laptop' routine, but I also don't have enough USB ports to handle all the things I set up. Well, I guess I situationally use the microphone so I could plug in the tablet to the right port and just swap out the mic when I need to (since I don't move the mic itself from the desk where I use it).

HMMMMMM

Also I went on FurAffinity and had a PM from someone wanting to know how I was doing. Haven't been on the site in years. And they just sent the PM yesterday! Got a bunch of other PMs over the last couple years asking if I do free requests or if I still do commissions... oops. Maybe I should start drawing regularly again and get back into the online furry community while I'm at it.

Who are some good furry characters I could draw? Boston?? XD Actually... I would love to draw Boston. Need to rework my old OCs too. Ahh, now I feel like drawing. It's too late in the day, though. I'll have to try to remember to start setting up the tablet with the laptop, even though it's annoying. Actually, I've cleared out a bunch of stuff from my bag (as in, three notebooks, that's it XD) so I could probably put it in the same pocket as the laptop itself, and then put the pen and pen holder in the pocket I put everything else in (instead of having the pen in one of the like... actual pen/pencil slot things on the inside of the bag). Then everything would just be RIGHT THERE.

Mahahahahaha, I am a genius...

SOOOO I guess just information sources for RSG3 are bad in general because I finally learned after trying myself that if you recruit Young Fang early (which is possible!) it's only temporary. You still can't permanently recruit him until near the end of the game, and there's no way to abandon the quest you recruit him temporarily for to run around the world without him :\

So I think I might pick up my old RSG3 game and bring it out of hiatus. Would be fun to do a few runs on the SFC version and then pick up the updated version on Steam when it rolls around, right? And it's going to be FOREVER until we get that, anyway.

In other news, my social security appeal finally got denied a second time. Apparently this is extremely common and like 99% of cases have to go to the hearing stage (which means two official denials first) before being approved. And, anecdotally, at least, I know this to be true because I've known people who were physically paralyzed or bed-ridden and got denied twice and had to go to a hearing.

And uh, one thing I wasn't prepared for: getting a hearing usually takes EIGHTEEN TO TWENTY-SIX MONTHS. So, uh, surprise! I'm going to be poor for a LOT longer. I thought it would be similar to the hearing I got re: food stamps when Medicaid deemed me 'medically frail;' that happened like right away and I was actually able to start eating food pretty soon after applying! I mean, it took a couple of months, but we're well over a year into this process and it seems like it could be two more?!

So, uh, yeah. Looks like I'm not going to be nabbing up Scarlet Grace's English version when it comes out, which I'm SUPER bummed about. I'll have enough for Mega Man 11, at least, though, but I'm at this point unsure if my computer will be able to handle it. Since it's already taken a long time to get to this stage, if my second appeal had been approved, I would have gotten over a year's worth of back-pay and suddenly had a bunch of money on hand. In addition to getting a LOT of things I need to live a semblance of a normal life, I was also going to try to upgrade (or rather, replace) my computer.

But it seems I'll be playing the same old early 00s games for a while longer.

Though in "good" news, you get backpay from the moment you first file for disability, which means that once the hearing is over (I'm... fairly confident at this point I'll be able to succeed, based on what my therapist, doctor, and attorney have been saying) I should get like THREE YEARS' backpay, and disabled people aren't allowed to save money, so I'll have to spend almost all of it in like one month? Which is ... stupid and frustrating for many reasons because I'd love to actually save money, but... it also means I can kind of binge spend.

I think some things I'd like to get right away include bedstuffs, a used car for short travel, some new clothes (I haven't gotten new clothes other than xmas gifts since like... middle school LOL), a noise-cancelling headset (for sensory sensitivity stuff), help pay for some things needed around the house with Dens since he's basically been supporting me like I'm his child for years now (and we need many things, like new gutters so the roof will stop getting destroyed, etc.) ...

But as for 'fun' things, I'll probably get a new compy and some compy accessories, a capture card... depending on how much I really have and feel comfortable spending, I might try to get Dens and I a Nintendo Switch as a birthday/xmas present, and get him Dragon Quest XI. It's his favorite series and he saw the trailer for XI and was so sad that we're not getting the 3DS version in the west, because that's the only platform he has available to play it. And I'd probably get Super Mario and Mario Kart for myself, and Smash, maybe, if it still seems worth picking up after the hype has already died down, since I'll mostly be playing with myself.

I also want to just... give my dad money...? lol since he's been supporting me through my entire adult life and even helped (and by helped I mean almost entirely, even if through loans) pay for my education that I never ended up profiting from. There's lots of stuff he could use that I'd like to help him acquire.

Uhhh so I guess for myself it's just a computer and maybe a Switch that is more for Dens lol. I guess I could buy up a bunch of little cheap things I've always wanted but couldn't get because even cheap things are expensive when you have $0. Like the Unlimited Saga manga or something. There's only two books! Oh, and I'd renew my WWE subscription. But that's like $9.

Oh yeah, I'd also start paying for a lot of my own things, like paying my own cell phone bill and things like that, instead of leeching off everyone else. Actually the main thing I'm looking forward to is that -- just being able to give basic financial support to myself, which will hopefully alleviate a lot of guilt and stress I have about being so dependent. Of course, it's unlikely I'll be able to be completely independent any time soon, but it still would be nice to feel less like such a burden.

So yeah that's my rant about that I guess.

Oh and I wrote another Iron Man thing: http://thaao.net/blog/?id=41

This month's flavor is misogyny.

So I have to do A Thing at like 830AM but like I have no easy way to get there like... I either will have to walk or take the bus ??? And like... it is freezing out and it would take multiple hours to walk there, and like... bus... is very scary and I've never ridden the bus here before so I don't know what it is like and it is VERY SCARY and like... I don't even know if I could find enough coins to ride the bus anyway???

And like it feels so surreal at this point like I don't even feel worried now because I feel like... it's not even going to happen. Because I guess I will probably just give up and not do The Thing but I am kinda worried they might take away my food stamps for not doing it which they already did once for a thing that was not my fault and this time it would be my fault.

But I really don't think they'd take it away that easily for missing A Thing because I missed A Thing before because they scheduled it during my grandpa's viewing and scheduled it for the funeral and I had no idea it even had been scheduled or that I missed it until it was over and like... all I did was call to reschedule and they didn't even like... ask about it like it's just normal to just... not show up to Things?

But this is a different kind of Thing so I really don't know, but it's similar in some ways and I don't want to talk about it because it is a Stress.

Also I went to therapy today and got The Suicide Plan Talk again but this time I got like a little printout of my made up answers for everything as if I actually have support and solutions so I can look over it next time I feel bad like I'm going to actually bother to go get this paper and like ... read all the stupid shit I said that makes me feel ashamed for making it up and then be like 'kay I wanna live now' and uh it's funny because like the other side of the paper has like... the report my therapist writes about me for each session for that day (like he always just ... prints entire things at once even if not's relevant/appropriate because I don't think he really knows how to use printer settings, like one time he wanted to print like these two paragraphs from some autism blog but printed the ENTIRE COMMENTS SECTION and gave me this packet with like 60+ pages in it and was like 'well maybe you will like to read the comments' and like most of the comments are not even related to the actual thing and like some are ads and stuff LOL)

Uh anyway so it has my like report thing and at the top of the second page before it gets to the Suicide Plan thing, it's like... "Reasons for living: patient was unable to answer any" or something like that like looool yes this will be so helpful XDDD

I'm being cynical and it's really not that bad and I didn't make up everything just some things and it's more just like I struggled to find answers and I really do think it's funny/this isn't sarcasm; I did actually learn many helpful things today just this printout is like... so bizarre. It also has like... his opinions on my current status and stuff, and like... I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to see this lol and it just has a list of things like appearance, attitude, motor behavior, eye contact, etc. and so much of it says 'unremarkable' which I am not sure if it means he had no remarks or if it was not particularly good.

But the funniest part is the whole thing is very dry but then under "appearance" it says "appropriate (Sonic the Hedgehog hat)" like... I guess he somehow felt it was important to my health and condition to record that I was wearing a Sonic hat today.

Anyway I am feeling better and don't feel like dying or whatever now. Well, that is a lie -- I don't feel desperate enough to actually try to die. I always feel like dying :D

I finished my R2 no damage run and it's on YT now. I played a bunch of RSG2 and need to write the entries for it. I'm almost done writing the diaries for Save the Homeland (well, the first ending/story at least).

I am so tired but I don't want to sleep because I'm paranoid about bugs??? and like worried about The Thing that I'm like 99.9% likely to not end up doing, which I'm also worried about what will happen if I don't do it. But like TBQH I honestly CANNOT deal right now and this is a Particularly Hard Thing and I still feel like I have not gotten much rest from Various Hard Things since like... the funeral which was in fucking October so like... LOL but yeah I feel like if I had a ride I would be able to muster through it somehow but that's for a variety of reasons I don't feel like going into right now, but I would still do really bad at it like at the interview thing I had to do I like... was curled in a ball half on a chair like hitting my head on the wall because I was freaking out and there were so many VOICES and like... lolol. my favorite is how literally no one even reacted to it?? I mean I was kinda off in a corner by myself and if I ever saw anyone else doing that I would just avoid them at all costs so I guess I can't be too surprised LOL

Also I probably won't get an opportunity to go to the grocery this week (unless again I take a bus which is lol no) so I will have to like... go to market to get food but I don't even want to go to market and like everything is either expensive or questionably safe to eat there sooo idk. I guess I could go to the fancy organic store thing but that is also expensive?? But I could buy like mostly produce which is cheap and very good there. I kinda forgot about that even being an option. I'm pretty sure they take stampies. BUT HEY I MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE THOSE if they decide to punish me for The Thing.

Oh also I contacted a couple disability lawyers over the weekend so now I'm like... awaiting reply which is also a terrifying thing. And like my routine this week is messed up because I'm not going to Dens for the weekend because I'm staying here so I can go to family xmas even thing on xmas eve and like........ both the weird routine AND having to go to family thing is like......... asldgjklasdjglaksdjlkasdjflkasjdflksdjflkasjlfkjaslkfj

JUST STUFF IS TOO MUCH RIGHT NOW but also it's stupid because like I have significantly less responsibility/obligation and fewer stressors than normal people but like I buckle at that tiniest bit of pressure or obligation ever like ... 'you need to write an email' 'I WANT TO DIE' and like... that also makes me feel pathetic and ashamed and like............... lol. just. why.

but yeah actually typing all this out is helpful because it helps me stay focused on something when I get feeling super fucked up until it kind of calms down again so i'm not focusing on like researching overdoses or trying to cut myself or whatever.

also probably because if eel like there's so many things I 'have to do' even though there's really barely anything, I feel like i'm 'not doing enough' ??? and like don't want to sleep because if eel like I need to DO THINGS but there's like literally nothing at all to do and I already did chores and stuff and like.. i'm way too tired to concentrate on anything mindful and like... too exhausted to like... put away the dishes which is the only thing left to do anyway but idrc

also I feel like I need to eat 'while I still can' which makes no sense and honestly nothing I think right now makes sense so idk why i'm even trying to act like it should be rational anyway LOL

oh also recently I have sudden cravings for snuff porn even though it makes me very uncomfortable but it's like the only thing that arouses me recently and i'll like randomly go like weeks without thinking about a single sexual thing and then suddenly like "I NEED TO EJACULATE TO MURDER IDEATION 7 TIMES TODAY" and like... I just reaalllllllllyyyyyyyyy hate myself lmao why am I like this

also today I found a stinkbug and it was cute; I caught it and put it outside

it was so cute though

I think I will leave this one public because I think I secretly want someone to read these kinds of things and be like 'oh you poor thing I sympathize with you and understand there is nothing really wrong with you but I will not communicate this to you in any way because communication makes you uncomfortable' but in reality if anyone actually bothers to read it they will feel mixed feelings of morbid pity and an unsettling fear of how much a freak I am soooooo lmao HAVE FUN

Here's an update yay.

I've been normal I guess, I'm being screened for bipolar lol. Maybe I just have every disorder that exists...

Well, it's really just like further specifying my troubles I guess?

Anyway, the website is coming along pretty well -- all the programming is 100% complete, including the blog and updates page, which means programming-wise it's launch-ready. Well, I'll probably test it a bit more but outside of a little bug testing it's launch-ready.

The only content I have left to edit is Laura's scenario so far, the Innocent Life diary, and the two entries in the TokiMemo3 diary. I also need to write introduction pages for all those things, and SCARLET GRACE as well. UNLIMITED:Saga and Romancing SaGa 3 already have theirs done.

The most difficult (as in, cumbersome, none of it is difficult, just ... consuming lol) thing will be finding all the images for Innocent Life since the links are almost all dead now, and they're buried in facebook somewhere. They're in albums that are separated by play session (which means probably also mostly separated by diary chapter) so at least it won't be like... trying to find them in a nonlinear fashion or something...

The second most annoying thing will be writing the SCARLET GRACE intro page, because I'm having the intro pages give the basic story background (like, what you would find in a manual or on the game's website or whatever. UN:Saga's I got from the manual and RomaSaGa3's is a translation of the intro story sequence thing in the game).

But I'm going to use the guidebook's little story section with the cool art to write this intro, which means translation fun!!! X_X Well, since I already played the game to completion once, hopefully I'll be familiar with all the vocabulary in it... but I'm sure I'll have forgotten tons of Chinese characters, which means looking them up in a kanji dictionary and I explained before how tedious and obnoxious that is in another post, and that's even using the most convenient electronic dictionary I can find lol.

In other news I've been really into a few games that are eating away way more time than they should.

First is Tree of Savior which is a free MMO I'm playing w/ X. It's probably the most fun and well-made f2p MMO I've ever seen? It's a really cool game and I really like it. I'm playing a healer and she's a destructive mage type and we go really well together. We just started doing instanced dungeons and they are a lot of fun. The story is a bit easy though, so it can be kind of tedious, especially if you want to do all the optional objectives like fill your monster diary thing by killing like 209580329850239580 of each kind of monster...

Another cool thing about it is that you're encouraged to have multiple characters and trade with yourself, and there are rewards in the game for doing things like collecting certain sets of items or completely uncovering maps of areas... but what's great is that these tasks are assigned to your entire team (account) and so you can do parts of them with each character or whatever if you want. And once you've finished one, all characters in your team can get the reward, even if you create a new character. And the rewards are EXP boosts and stuff, so once you've gotten very far in the game with one character, having completed lots of maps and collections, you can easily level up a brand new character and blaze through the early story stuff to get to the more interesting later-game stuff right away.

The game has a really cool class system where you choose one of 4 base classes and then every 15 class levels you 'rank up' and choose a new class in your base class's school. You get eight ranks up in all, and you get to keep all the abilities and bonuses you learn from each class, so which classes you pick will drastically change your character's build. And all the base classes have a lot of variety in the advanced classes (each one has 20 in all) so you can end up with a DPS cleric or a tank archer or something if you wanted to. There are also some hidden/secret classes but I don't know much about it...

The game encourages party play but works well for solo play if you want to play solo. This is not just in the large variety of skills and builds, but also in the way skills are designed. For example, the Cleric's healing spells work by placing magical symbols on the ground. If an ally steps on it, it heals them, and if an enemy steps on it, it hurts them. And you can power it up to place multiple seals at once... but it's cool because you can put the seal away from the enemy for your friends to walk on or place it right under the enemy to deal damage. And then you can augment it by going to a 'master' and spending ability points to give it additional abilities like increased damage, or to lose its damage altogether (so it only works as a support/healing spell).

The story seems pretty elaborate and cute, though nothing really super engaging. I still like reading all the text because the lore is neat enough, though.

The other games are SuperStar SMTOWN which is weird kpop game and IDK how I got into this but now I'm obsessively playing it...

And then Star Trek: Timelines which I just started which is a f2p phone game where you do little missions and collect crew members and level them up, your typical "buy stuff from the item shop or take forever" mobile game, but it's pretty cool for a free game and I'm really enjoying it so far.

There are two types of missions, ship battles and away team things. The ship battles are really stupid and boring and just 100% based on your setup and you just sit and watch it. You tap little buttons but there's like no real strategy to it out of like... the most basic strategy even a baby could do it...

The away missions are really fun, though. You have an mission you have to work toward and there's a little story, and there are lots of different paths to get that objective completed. For each 'step' in the mission, you can choose different ways of accomplishing it. For example if you need to get past some security people, maybe you will have options to drug their food, sneak in another way, or fight them head-on. That's kind of a cliché example but there's really a lot of different things. You choose one of your crew to do the task, and each crew member has levels in different fields like science, engineering, diplomacy, medicine, command... (actually that's all of them except "security" which is essentially just fighting LOL) as well as special traits like 'Pilot,' 'Jury Rigger,' 'Public Figure,' whatever. Certain objectives will match up with certain traits and the crew member will get a boost.

Basically there's just a target number you have to reach to clear the objective, and you compare that with your crew member's base stat + any bonuses they got from traits + a random number that they roll based on their roll range (which you can also increase). Whether you clear or fail the objectives in the mission you continue moving forward, but the mistakes you make earlier in the mission will cause trouble in the final outcome, making it harder to pass.

Each objective has flavor text for success and fail and maybe critical success... I haven't paid enough attention to notice (since usually I either always get critical success or never get it, and I don't remember what it said last time anyway if I replay a mission). But yeah, it describes what happens based on your actions and how you move forward toward the main goal of the mission.

There's also various stories where you'll see lots of characters from the series which is fun, and the overall story arcs span many missions and you can change how the story goes in those through your choices, even to the point of the conclusion being different, and whatever happens at the end of an arc shifts the balance of power in the universe forever (lol). Basically your choices let you pick who 'wins' in a conflict or whatever, so you're usually choosing to support different factions or whatever. I ended up supporting the Klingons and Cardassians in the first two stories because they're hot LOLLL and because you get to recruit a member from that faction at the end, and the first story you got Worf, and the second one you got Dukat so I kinda had to pick those XD

You also influence your diplomacy level with the various factions as you do this and they can like or dislike you, which means when you try to buy items from them you might be locked out of some if they don't like you enough. You can also do shuttle missions which are just idle/waiting missions where you send someone to help out a faction and they're gone for like... 3 hour or something and then they come back and you get rewards XD

There's also various events in the game, like this PvP-ish shuttle combat thing which is stupid, some PvP crew member fighting thing that's going on right now (but I think it's ending today?), and these daily missions where you can only use low-ranking characters on the challenges...

Like most of these games, you mainly recruit crew members through a random pull, and what's annoying about this game is that the random pull will give items or characters so you can just end up getting tons of items... You also recruit crew members through the story and stuff, too. And you certainly won't find yourself lacking in crew members; I have already dismissed many because I had a bunch I didn't even want.

You can get like every character ever except for Dr Pulaski (I FEEL LIKE THIS IS LIKE HOW THERE'S NO TIBERIUS IN IMPERIAL SAGA) and many characters have multiple variations you can get... like there are like 10 different Picards or something. It's not just the main crew, like... pretty much any major subcharacter is recruitable. A good example, there are three variations of Lt Barclay. THREE. That's a lot!!! (But no Pulaski LOL and only 3 Archers...) and pretty much if there's a character that was in more than one episode or was just in one but it was a popular/memorable episode you can probably get them.

The event starting tomorrow you can get Robin Hood Picard and Nottingham Q :) Which means mustache Picard :)))))

It's really fun and you can also have friends and fleets (guilds) in the game, and there's even in-game chat. I ignore the global chat but you have a fleet chat, and maybe friend chat too (I have no friends so idk). I joined an LGBT fleet and people actually talk in it and it's scary. I want to make my own but I have no one to join :,) I'm trying to force my brother to play it XDDD Even though he doesn't like Trek (well, he pretends like he doesn't... he's only ever seen Enterprise and he liked it and watched the whole first season with me sooo uh LOL)

But yeah within your fleet you can also have squadrons, which are teams of five players, and certain events are squadron events where you work together... I don't know what it will be like because I've only been playing for like a day, but a squadron event (the mustache Picard event LOL) starts tomorrow... I joined a squadron in my fleet but I feel bad because they're all like Lv50+ and I'm like... level 12 LOLLL. Plus I'd rather play with friends and I kinda hate playing with strangers... but I want to see what the game has to offer. The event structure seems like it might be similar to Shpherd's Crossing Online which is great because that game had great events. And there's lots of Picard stuff to get from this event :D

Most of my pulls have been kinda boring. In the beginning my most powerful characters were like... Wesley Crusher and Alexander (Worf's kid LOL). But I've really powered up some others now and my best characters include Sisko (command, security), Archer (command, security), Spock (science), Data (engineering), Hoshi Sato (diplomacy), Dr Crusher (medicine), and Seven of Nine (science and engineering).

There are three old mustache Scottys available in the game so I really want those 8))))

I also recently got T'Pol and Trip so I have more than enough to make an entire away team of Enterprise crew :D With Archer commanding *___* Though they're like both really weak but I feel like eventually T'Pol could be better than Seven.

The art in the game is pretty cool, it's like comic bookish style illustrations.

Also at the beginning you get to choose one captain to be like your starter Pokémon... but uh... you can only choose Kirk, Picard, or Sisko!! I chose Sisko bc the art of him was very handsome XD I love his little voice clips, too.

Some characters have voice clips and it's like... weird who they chose to give voice clips to... Wesley has voice clips but Dr Crusher and Riker don't...???

Anyway talking too much. I actually came on here to get the Innocent Life diaries XD

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