Stage 4 Cancer
Feb. 12th, 2025 07:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marchionessofmustacheSo, I don't update here much, as I mostly keep to talking about stuff in general on Discord, but I feel I should get this 'documented' here. Especially because I kinda wanna get back into blogging about tokimemo (and maybe Sonic... eventually) and will surely mention it as most of play time will be from the hospital.
So, a year ago, I think I posted about it here, Den developed lung cancer and had a wedge removed of his lung, and they told him his cancer was in remission and they got it all.
Well, turns out they didn't, and now it's stage 4 and has spread to his brain, and possibly other places (we're going to be checking for those soon).
We went to the ER last week because he developed aphasia, and on top of that was having headaches and blurry vision. So we thought he had a stroke and needed to be checked out. CTA scans returned showing lesions in the brain, however. Long story short, after being juggled around by hospitals who weren't able to provide him the care we needed, we FINALLY got him admitted to one in downtown Indianapolis that can take care of him, and we've learned that he has at least 3 tumors and one is large and growing quickly. The large tumor is in the left frontal lobe, which is why it is affecting his speech so much.
He's very slow to form coherent sentences, and even then, sometimes they're not so coherent because he will use random unrelated words instead of the words he intended and not even realize it (example: he referred to pillows as "spoons" and sausage as "pills," etc. without even noticing ht is saying completely unrelated words). Nouns seem to be mostly affected, but now and then the wrong verb or particle or whatever slips out as well.
Because of his age and health (he's also for some reason having terribly high blood pressure) they want to keep him admitted to the hospital and also do not want him to undergo a biopsy. Because of this we are technically not 100% certain it is cancerous but it only makes sense, and all the doctors feel certain it is. He is going to begin radiation therapy soon (they did radiation mapping today) and it may take from 5 to 20 treatments before he will be finished with radiation. If they find cancer elsewhere they may also introduce chemotherapy treatments.
Worried about the stress and toll on his body, Den is not 100% certain he wants to undergo treatment, and might rather live a shorter, happier end of his life at home. Being the age he is, death is something we've talked about a lot and wanted to plan for -- and while I'm certainly never going to be emotionally ready, I have been preparing myself for the inevitable for a while now, and I will respect his decision no matter what. I told him I want him to make the most selfish decision he can and not elongate his life into suffering just for the sake of existing around me for my sake. I'd also rather see him happy and stress-free in the end.
As of right now, he seems to be leaning toward treatment, as it doesn't sound like imminent passing is right around the corner, and he may be able to earn a longer, happier life through treatment payoff.
As long as they can figure out the blood pressure thing, he should be able to continue his treatment as outpatient soon. Right now he is staying in the hospital as his team of doctors closely monitor, test, and prepare him for treatments. But he may be able to return home as soon as tomorrow or the day after at the earliest.
As for me, I think I'm still in denial with my feelings of him being gone soon, yet still making practical plans in case it happens. I think when he does pass, it will stun me for a bit and THEN become very overwhelming. Right now most of my anxiety revolves around making appointments, providing care, all the driving between home and the hospital... not so much on worrying he might die lol. It kind of feels strange that I don't even think about that part. I guess I am waiting to deal with it when it happens, emotionally at least. I'm trying to get him to pay off the house (he keeps procrastinating on it, partly because I think he is in denial that he might die before paying it off 'naturally' at the end of his mortgage cycle; I think it was actually supposed to be done today with the current offer). I might even ask if I can just do it for him (accessing his money), but I'm a little afraid of having that conversation hahaha. I mean I already have access to everything anyway, but I've never utilized my access to his accounts and such on my own.
I've been researching things like section 8 and homeowner's insurance and stuff -- if he leaves me the house and the car, I'm allowed to have them repercussion-free on disability, while any money he leaves me will have to be paid to social security, so I'm trying to convince him NOT to leave me money other than the cash in the safe which will remain unreported lol. But I'm not sure if I have the mental capability to keep up on home ownership. I might also not have the financial capability -- since disabled people aren't allowed to save money, if an appliance broke or something, I'd just be screwed. I guess I'd have to go on payment plans and then not afford anything else or something? I don't know.
But yeah, those are the kinds of things I'm worried about right now. It's not that I'm not emotional about the whole thing -- I've had my share of cries and panic attacks and such at the thought of having to lose my beloved, the most important person in the world to me... but I haven't gotten to the point when I'm wallowing in it. I think it will hit me harder when it actually happens. And I think, maybe, I, too, am in a bit of denial and hanging onto that hope that everything will go well and we still may have quite a bit of time left together.
Anyway, that's what's going on.
So, a year ago, I think I posted about it here, Den developed lung cancer and had a wedge removed of his lung, and they told him his cancer was in remission and they got it all.
Well, turns out they didn't, and now it's stage 4 and has spread to his brain, and possibly other places (we're going to be checking for those soon).
We went to the ER last week because he developed aphasia, and on top of that was having headaches and blurry vision. So we thought he had a stroke and needed to be checked out. CTA scans returned showing lesions in the brain, however. Long story short, after being juggled around by hospitals who weren't able to provide him the care we needed, we FINALLY got him admitted to one in downtown Indianapolis that can take care of him, and we've learned that he has at least 3 tumors and one is large and growing quickly. The large tumor is in the left frontal lobe, which is why it is affecting his speech so much.
He's very slow to form coherent sentences, and even then, sometimes they're not so coherent because he will use random unrelated words instead of the words he intended and not even realize it (example: he referred to pillows as "spoons" and sausage as "pills," etc. without even noticing ht is saying completely unrelated words). Nouns seem to be mostly affected, but now and then the wrong verb or particle or whatever slips out as well.
Because of his age and health (he's also for some reason having terribly high blood pressure) they want to keep him admitted to the hospital and also do not want him to undergo a biopsy. Because of this we are technically not 100% certain it is cancerous but it only makes sense, and all the doctors feel certain it is. He is going to begin radiation therapy soon (they did radiation mapping today) and it may take from 5 to 20 treatments before he will be finished with radiation. If they find cancer elsewhere they may also introduce chemotherapy treatments.
Worried about the stress and toll on his body, Den is not 100% certain he wants to undergo treatment, and might rather live a shorter, happier end of his life at home. Being the age he is, death is something we've talked about a lot and wanted to plan for -- and while I'm certainly never going to be emotionally ready, I have been preparing myself for the inevitable for a while now, and I will respect his decision no matter what. I told him I want him to make the most selfish decision he can and not elongate his life into suffering just for the sake of existing around me for my sake. I'd also rather see him happy and stress-free in the end.
As of right now, he seems to be leaning toward treatment, as it doesn't sound like imminent passing is right around the corner, and he may be able to earn a longer, happier life through treatment payoff.
As long as they can figure out the blood pressure thing, he should be able to continue his treatment as outpatient soon. Right now he is staying in the hospital as his team of doctors closely monitor, test, and prepare him for treatments. But he may be able to return home as soon as tomorrow or the day after at the earliest.
As for me, I think I'm still in denial with my feelings of him being gone soon, yet still making practical plans in case it happens. I think when he does pass, it will stun me for a bit and THEN become very overwhelming. Right now most of my anxiety revolves around making appointments, providing care, all the driving between home and the hospital... not so much on worrying he might die lol. It kind of feels strange that I don't even think about that part. I guess I am waiting to deal with it when it happens, emotionally at least. I'm trying to get him to pay off the house (he keeps procrastinating on it, partly because I think he is in denial that he might die before paying it off 'naturally' at the end of his mortgage cycle; I think it was actually supposed to be done today with the current offer). I might even ask if I can just do it for him (accessing his money), but I'm a little afraid of having that conversation hahaha. I mean I already have access to everything anyway, but I've never utilized my access to his accounts and such on my own.
I've been researching things like section 8 and homeowner's insurance and stuff -- if he leaves me the house and the car, I'm allowed to have them repercussion-free on disability, while any money he leaves me will have to be paid to social security, so I'm trying to convince him NOT to leave me money other than the cash in the safe which will remain unreported lol. But I'm not sure if I have the mental capability to keep up on home ownership. I might also not have the financial capability -- since disabled people aren't allowed to save money, if an appliance broke or something, I'd just be screwed. I guess I'd have to go on payment plans and then not afford anything else or something? I don't know.
But yeah, those are the kinds of things I'm worried about right now. It's not that I'm not emotional about the whole thing -- I've had my share of cries and panic attacks and such at the thought of having to lose my beloved, the most important person in the world to me... but I haven't gotten to the point when I'm wallowing in it. I think it will hit me harder when it actually happens. And I think, maybe, I, too, am in a bit of denial and hanging onto that hope that everything will go well and we still may have quite a bit of time left together.
Anyway, that's what's going on.
no subject
Date: 2025-02-14 04:35 pm (UTC)I'm not the most knowledgeable person, but I've seen a lot of surviving partners/family drama from my time working in a financial institution. So feel free to take any advice below as you wish, or totally ignore it. Only answer if it feels like it might help in some way.
Does Den have a will? And if so, are you listed as his beneficary for the home when it's PIF, etc? That-- plus finacial Power of Attorney-- will make things much easier in a worst case scenario.
I'm not sure if an ABLE account would help. It has a number of restrictions, but maybe it would be a safe place to store some money? I see it can apply funds to "housing", but I'm not totally sure if that would include costs for home repairs, etc.
If you need to chat on Discord or anything, my reply time can be slow, but I'm always around for anything you need.
no subject
Date: 2025-02-15 02:19 am (UTC)I never heard of ABLE accounts, I'll have to look into that. That sounds REALLY helpful.
Thanks again :) If I need anything I'll reach out~