What She Knew
Nov. 23rd, 2016 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marchionessofmustacheSo, I started reading this book called What She Knew as part of our little book club thing we made on facebook lol. I was only able to get through a bit of the beginning and then my dad came back from his... casino trip thing and has been blasting TV since he got back... I kinda forgot that this is a thing that is going to cause me to not be able to read, so I'll have to make sure to only read at night >_> I hope it doesn't make me too anxious about it since it's a "limited time" thing. I have a fan running and headphones on in my room but I can still hear the TV right now >_>
Anyway, some thoughts about the beginning of the book. I read the first 47 pages if you are worried about spoilers. We all have the same copy of the book so the page numbers should align XD
OKKKK so this is, to put it very short, a story about a single mother who lost her son (as in missing person).
I guess the story is told in the form of what seems like... collected materials? Like I think the parts told by Rachel (the mom) are supposed to be her blog posts or diary or something. And then there's like... transcripts of this police guy and stuff too?? And the story seems to jump between the "perspectives" of these two people -- Rachel, the mother whose son disappeared, and Jim, the... detective? officer? whatever assigned to the case.
Rachel is very relatable and pretty much just your expected white suburban mom type? Though I think she might live in some kind of rural cottage thing but IDK if she always lives there or what??? I didn't really understand. Anyway, her husband left her in a maybe-too-cliché affair with another woman, just packed up and left on Boxing Day for the hot girl, while Rachel was perfect and did everything right and was being a good wife, mother, and independent businesswoman. Of course, we're hearing from Rachel's perspective so maybe she wasn't really so great. Anyway, she was left to care for her son Ben on her own. The story seems to just... assume that we all feel that mothers and fathers have clearly different roles in a family and that mothers do all of the child rearing and fathers just tell kids to be independent or something idk. Also Rachel blames the other woman for her husband cheating on her and abandoning their family without warning which is not relatable and um no???
What I like about the Rachel parts is that she's very real. She's tired of people and has come to discover the cruelty of society after dealing with the loss of her son. The beginning of the story starts out with her talking about how you can't trust anyone, but particularly talks about how people's reaction to seeing her as a victim wasn't to protect or help her, but attack her. And I think it makes a good point about how people don't want to confront the problems of others or see themselves as someone who can make mistakes, so when other people have problems, they push those people further down to make themselves feel better. In the case of Rachel, when she made a public appearance about her son, people attacked her, she believes, because it made them feel like they were better parents than her. They don't want to believe that they, too, could do something neglectful or that such a thing could happen to them, so they belittle her to avoid confronting that they, too, could be in that position. Seeing her as a victim meant they also saw her as 'other.' I wasn't really expecting this kind of theme, especially right from the start. So I guess I appreciate that, as any theme of 'humans are uncaring hypocrites' pretty much resonates with me lol.
But again this is Rachel telling this from her bitter perspective after everything is said and done.
Next the page just says "Jim" at the top without explaining what that means, and we start hearing the narrator -- who I thought was Rachel for the longest time -- talking about their insomnia and anxiety and how it is ruining their life. It actually does a pretty good job of illustrating insomnia and anxiety and how crippling it can be and how other people can't fully realize what it's like when they're not feeling it.
Anyway, like WELL into this part I guess this is Jim talking. I don't know if it's his diary or what but this is Jim and I don't even know who the hell Jim is??? This reminds me of those bad fanfiction.net fics that like just have a few paragraphs then say like *~*~ Naruto's POV ~*~* and then just continue like that and jump around and it's like please no don't do this???
Generally I have a lot of difficulty with these "POV" type stories lmao. But I've already come to terms with it in this book. It's not that I don't want to hear different perspectives it's just harder for me to follow because reading is hard enough for me as is XD
But I'm kinda glad to be hearing two different perspectives.
Jim is ... kind of annoying? So far his character is that "real men don't show feelings" type but he just... explicitly states it? Like he just says things like "I believe feelings are a sign of weakness." like... do people who feel like this actually... say it like that? Don't they just act weird and aggressive and continue to pretend not to have feelings? Not just... say they have them but they believe it's weakness?? It's super weird. Like, he says it to his counselor but like... he's supposed to be being difficult and aggressive with the counselor so I think it's weird for him to talk like that? It just doesn't seem... realistic to me? I don't know. I just think he's hard to relate to I guess. I don't feel like I've ever known anyone like that. I mean, I've known people who are afraid to show feelings and view them as weakness but they don't just plainly and explicitly describe the way they feel about feelings XD
Anyway, Jim's story is pretty different than Rachel's in that it seems to just focus on him getting therapy and doesn't talk about Rachel or the events of the Ben case (other than the fact that his issues started occurring from the time of the case onward). Apparently he is forced to get the therapy by the police department or whatever (they use all these acronyms and whatever and this takes place in England and I have no idea what any of this crap is XD) but he is reluctant and thinks it's stupid and is fighting against it, but has to do it so he won't lose his job. But he plans to get through it by just being a stubborn dick the whole time. Though he's already failing because the therapist got a little out of him lol.
Anyway, basically he seems extremely distraught over the Ben case which makes me assume that something really terrible is going to happen. Only just now looking up the author to confirm my hunch she was a one-of-those white woman (seems possible lol) I see this book is described as a "thriller" so I'm a bit nervous about continuing lol. "Thriller" isn't really the kind of story I would choose to read on my own XD but I do think the premise is interesting because it vaguely reminds me of Heavy Rain lmao.
Anyway, between the two Jim parts (there was one that was his... journal I guess idk, and then one that was a transcript of his meeting with the therapist), there was another Rachel part where she was describing the day of Ben's disappearance. Basically she took him to play in the woods/park thing where they often go and let him run off for a couple minutes on his own, but when she went to catch up with him, he was gone (uh, he's 8 years old btw) and she couldn't find him. Some old lady passed by and offered to help, and eventually it took a very long time and she got very panicked (uh she was pretty panicked from the beginning but it got worse lol)
But yeah I liked this part because her spiral into panic was very well-paced. Like she didn't just appear where she was supposed to meet up with the kid and start going OMG HE'S GONE lol. She had a twinge of nervousness like anyone would when their kid is not where they are supposed to be. But she thinks to more common outcomes first -- he's probably playing hide and seek like he likes to do. So she tries calling out teasing things to lure him out, wandering around, having fun with it but feeling a little worried on the inside. Then just kind of starts looking more hurriedly and calling out directly, and just gets more and more sick and panicked as it goes on. Eventually it starts to become more surreal to her. I think that seems very realistic. I mean I've never lost my kid before but I just thought it was very believable.
Anyway, after looking for a bit with the old lady she ends up at this other part of the park where there's soccer team and a literal band of LARPers like in costume and everything?!?! And she is freaking out but she knows some of the soccer kids and their parents and they organize a little civilian search party and one of the dads calls the police for her (she's pretty out of it by this point). And like, the LARPers are helping look too. Like, IDK why they added LARPers??? It seems so random but yeah XD Also some guy with a bike. Anyway I thought it was weird all of these people just suddenly banded together to help her out, but then I remembered this isn't taking place in America and maybe people would actually think a lost kid is a reason to help out in other places? I feel like here people would just yell scriptures at her or express half-hearted condolences and then try to get away quickly?
Anyway, that aside, there was some awkwardness when the dad showed up, and Rachel wanted to hug him but didn't?? And yeah idk it was weird. Also this guy just totally abandoned his kid and now he's worried about him only after he's missing? What a douche.
Also Rachel has a sister named Nicky (I'm really surprised I remember all these names XD) who is kind of like the annoying perfect mom sister or whatever, she has 4 daughters and spoils her husband and does a million things and likes to prove she can do it all? Rachel seems uncomfortable with her but they don't seem to dislike each other. Just being around her too long stresses her out. Which is understandable.
And I think that's all I've really read so far? I wanna read more but I can't with the noise lol X_X And it will probably be hard to read at Dennis's too because he constantly interrupts me even when it's obvious I'm doing something and even when I make it known I'm doing something so... >_>;;; And the next couple of days are going to be... yeah. So I guess I'll read more like... on... Monday... X_X hopefully I don't forget everything.
The point of writing this is to help me remember though and have reference in the case I forget XD
But yeah I was expecting/hoping this would be like... an introspective into the mind of a mother who had to go through having a missing child, and how it changed her perspective of the world around her. But it seems like it's going to be some of that and then also like some kind of murder mystery or something. I don't like murder or mystery so I'm nervous XD
But yeah I need to take a shower but I don't want to go out of my room because my dad is here but I know he won't ever go into his room and will probably fall asleep on his chair and have the TV blasting until like 3 or 4 in the morning? But I'm already getting tired and I'm very slimy and need to shower... and I need to go to the bathroom??? But I don't want to just sit in here all night X_X especially since I can't sleep like this... but I don't want to wait til like 4AM to go to the bathroom (I'll be too tired to shower then??) But like... I just... can't... go out there??????????????????????
Anxiety is fun ^_^ I might try to force it soon though. I also am very thirsty. There are like too many forces at work here... gotta pee, gotta drink, gotta shower... it might force me into going out of the room. It's also really warm in here and I'm sweating a lot?! I should open the window but then it will get freezing XD
Anyway, some thoughts about the beginning of the book. I read the first 47 pages if you are worried about spoilers. We all have the same copy of the book so the page numbers should align XD
OKKKK so this is, to put it very short, a story about a single mother who lost her son (as in missing person).
I guess the story is told in the form of what seems like... collected materials? Like I think the parts told by Rachel (the mom) are supposed to be her blog posts or diary or something. And then there's like... transcripts of this police guy and stuff too?? And the story seems to jump between the "perspectives" of these two people -- Rachel, the mother whose son disappeared, and Jim, the... detective? officer? whatever assigned to the case.
Rachel is very relatable and pretty much just your expected white suburban mom type? Though I think she might live in some kind of rural cottage thing but IDK if she always lives there or what??? I didn't really understand. Anyway, her husband left her in a maybe-too-cliché affair with another woman, just packed up and left on Boxing Day for the hot girl, while Rachel was perfect and did everything right and was being a good wife, mother, and independent businesswoman. Of course, we're hearing from Rachel's perspective so maybe she wasn't really so great. Anyway, she was left to care for her son Ben on her own. The story seems to just... assume that we all feel that mothers and fathers have clearly different roles in a family and that mothers do all of the child rearing and fathers just tell kids to be independent or something idk. Also Rachel blames the other woman for her husband cheating on her and abandoning their family without warning which is not relatable and um no???
What I like about the Rachel parts is that she's very real. She's tired of people and has come to discover the cruelty of society after dealing with the loss of her son. The beginning of the story starts out with her talking about how you can't trust anyone, but particularly talks about how people's reaction to seeing her as a victim wasn't to protect or help her, but attack her. And I think it makes a good point about how people don't want to confront the problems of others or see themselves as someone who can make mistakes, so when other people have problems, they push those people further down to make themselves feel better. In the case of Rachel, when she made a public appearance about her son, people attacked her, she believes, because it made them feel like they were better parents than her. They don't want to believe that they, too, could do something neglectful or that such a thing could happen to them, so they belittle her to avoid confronting that they, too, could be in that position. Seeing her as a victim meant they also saw her as 'other.' I wasn't really expecting this kind of theme, especially right from the start. So I guess I appreciate that, as any theme of 'humans are uncaring hypocrites' pretty much resonates with me lol.
But again this is Rachel telling this from her bitter perspective after everything is said and done.
Next the page just says "Jim" at the top without explaining what that means, and we start hearing the narrator -- who I thought was Rachel for the longest time -- talking about their insomnia and anxiety and how it is ruining their life. It actually does a pretty good job of illustrating insomnia and anxiety and how crippling it can be and how other people can't fully realize what it's like when they're not feeling it.
Anyway, like WELL into this part I guess this is Jim talking. I don't know if it's his diary or what but this is Jim and I don't even know who the hell Jim is??? This reminds me of those bad fanfiction.net fics that like just have a few paragraphs then say like *~*~ Naruto's POV ~*~* and then just continue like that and jump around and it's like please no don't do this???
Generally I have a lot of difficulty with these "POV" type stories lmao. But I've already come to terms with it in this book. It's not that I don't want to hear different perspectives it's just harder for me to follow because reading is hard enough for me as is XD
But I'm kinda glad to be hearing two different perspectives.
Jim is ... kind of annoying? So far his character is that "real men don't show feelings" type but he just... explicitly states it? Like he just says things like "I believe feelings are a sign of weakness." like... do people who feel like this actually... say it like that? Don't they just act weird and aggressive and continue to pretend not to have feelings? Not just... say they have them but they believe it's weakness?? It's super weird. Like, he says it to his counselor but like... he's supposed to be being difficult and aggressive with the counselor so I think it's weird for him to talk like that? It just doesn't seem... realistic to me? I don't know. I just think he's hard to relate to I guess. I don't feel like I've ever known anyone like that. I mean, I've known people who are afraid to show feelings and view them as weakness but they don't just plainly and explicitly describe the way they feel about feelings XD
Anyway, Jim's story is pretty different than Rachel's in that it seems to just focus on him getting therapy and doesn't talk about Rachel or the events of the Ben case (other than the fact that his issues started occurring from the time of the case onward). Apparently he is forced to get the therapy by the police department or whatever (they use all these acronyms and whatever and this takes place in England and I have no idea what any of this crap is XD) but he is reluctant and thinks it's stupid and is fighting against it, but has to do it so he won't lose his job. But he plans to get through it by just being a stubborn dick the whole time. Though he's already failing because the therapist got a little out of him lol.
Anyway, basically he seems extremely distraught over the Ben case which makes me assume that something really terrible is going to happen. Only just now looking up the author to confirm my hunch she was a one-of-those white woman (seems possible lol) I see this book is described as a "thriller" so I'm a bit nervous about continuing lol. "Thriller" isn't really the kind of story I would choose to read on my own XD but I do think the premise is interesting because it vaguely reminds me of Heavy Rain lmao.
Anyway, between the two Jim parts (there was one that was his... journal I guess idk, and then one that was a transcript of his meeting with the therapist), there was another Rachel part where she was describing the day of Ben's disappearance. Basically she took him to play in the woods/park thing where they often go and let him run off for a couple minutes on his own, but when she went to catch up with him, he was gone (uh, he's 8 years old btw) and she couldn't find him. Some old lady passed by and offered to help, and eventually it took a very long time and she got very panicked (uh she was pretty panicked from the beginning but it got worse lol)
But yeah I liked this part because her spiral into panic was very well-paced. Like she didn't just appear where she was supposed to meet up with the kid and start going OMG HE'S GONE lol. She had a twinge of nervousness like anyone would when their kid is not where they are supposed to be. But she thinks to more common outcomes first -- he's probably playing hide and seek like he likes to do. So she tries calling out teasing things to lure him out, wandering around, having fun with it but feeling a little worried on the inside. Then just kind of starts looking more hurriedly and calling out directly, and just gets more and more sick and panicked as it goes on. Eventually it starts to become more surreal to her. I think that seems very realistic. I mean I've never lost my kid before but I just thought it was very believable.
Anyway, after looking for a bit with the old lady she ends up at this other part of the park where there's soccer team and a literal band of LARPers like in costume and everything?!?! And she is freaking out but she knows some of the soccer kids and their parents and they organize a little civilian search party and one of the dads calls the police for her (she's pretty out of it by this point). And like, the LARPers are helping look too. Like, IDK why they added LARPers??? It seems so random but yeah XD Also some guy with a bike. Anyway I thought it was weird all of these people just suddenly banded together to help her out, but then I remembered this isn't taking place in America and maybe people would actually think a lost kid is a reason to help out in other places? I feel like here people would just yell scriptures at her or express half-hearted condolences and then try to get away quickly?
Anyway, that aside, there was some awkwardness when the dad showed up, and Rachel wanted to hug him but didn't?? And yeah idk it was weird. Also this guy just totally abandoned his kid and now he's worried about him only after he's missing? What a douche.
Also Rachel has a sister named Nicky (I'm really surprised I remember all these names XD) who is kind of like the annoying perfect mom sister or whatever, she has 4 daughters and spoils her husband and does a million things and likes to prove she can do it all? Rachel seems uncomfortable with her but they don't seem to dislike each other. Just being around her too long stresses her out. Which is understandable.
And I think that's all I've really read so far? I wanna read more but I can't with the noise lol X_X And it will probably be hard to read at Dennis's too because he constantly interrupts me even when it's obvious I'm doing something and even when I make it known I'm doing something so... >_>;;; And the next couple of days are going to be... yeah. So I guess I'll read more like... on... Monday... X_X hopefully I don't forget everything.
The point of writing this is to help me remember though and have reference in the case I forget XD
But yeah I was expecting/hoping this would be like... an introspective into the mind of a mother who had to go through having a missing child, and how it changed her perspective of the world around her. But it seems like it's going to be some of that and then also like some kind of murder mystery or something. I don't like murder or mystery so I'm nervous XD
But yeah I need to take a shower but I don't want to go out of my room because my dad is here but I know he won't ever go into his room and will probably fall asleep on his chair and have the TV blasting until like 3 or 4 in the morning? But I'm already getting tired and I'm very slimy and need to shower... and I need to go to the bathroom??? But I don't want to just sit in here all night X_X especially since I can't sleep like this... but I don't want to wait til like 4AM to go to the bathroom (I'll be too tired to shower then??) But like... I just... can't... go out there??????????????????????
Anxiety is fun ^_^ I might try to force it soon though. I also am very thirsty. There are like too many forces at work here... gotta pee, gotta drink, gotta shower... it might force me into going out of the room. It's also really warm in here and I'm sweating a lot?! I should open the window but then it will get freezing XD
