What She Knew
Nov. 23rd, 2016 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marchionessofmustacheSo, I started reading this book called What She Knew as part of our little book club thing we made on facebook lol. I was only able to get through a bit of the beginning and then my dad came back from his... casino trip thing and has been blasting TV since he got back... I kinda forgot that this is a thing that is going to cause me to not be able to read, so I'll have to make sure to only read at night >_> I hope it doesn't make me too anxious about it since it's a "limited time" thing. I have a fan running and headphones on in my room but I can still hear the TV right now >_>
Anyway, some thoughts about the beginning of the book. I read the first 47 pages if you are worried about spoilers. We all have the same copy of the book so the page numbers should align XD
OKKKK so this is, to put it very short, a story about a single mother who lost her son (as in missing person).
I guess the story is told in the form of what seems like... collected materials? Like I think the parts told by Rachel (the mom) are supposed to be her blog posts or diary or something. And then there's like... transcripts of this police guy and stuff too?? And the story seems to jump between the "perspectives" of these two people -- Rachel, the mother whose son disappeared, and Jim, the... detective? officer? whatever assigned to the case.
Rachel is very relatable and pretty much just your expected white suburban mom type? Though I think she might live in some kind of rural cottage thing but IDK if she always lives there or what??? I didn't really understand. Anyway, her husband left her in a maybe-too-cliché affair with another woman, just packed up and left on Boxing Day for the hot girl, while Rachel was perfect and did everything right and was being a good wife, mother, and independent businesswoman. Of course, we're hearing from Rachel's perspective so maybe she wasn't really so great. Anyway, she was left to care for her son Ben on her own. The story seems to just... assume that we all feel that mothers and fathers have clearly different roles in a family and that mothers do all of the child rearing and fathers just tell kids to be independent or something idk. Also Rachel blames the other woman for her husband cheating on her and abandoning their family without warning which is not relatable and um no???
What I like about the Rachel parts is that she's very real. She's tired of people and has come to discover the cruelty of society after dealing with the loss of her son. The beginning of the story starts out with her talking about how you can't trust anyone, but particularly talks about how people's reaction to seeing her as a victim wasn't to protect or help her, but attack her. And I think it makes a good point about how people don't want to confront the problems of others or see themselves as someone who can make mistakes, so when other people have problems, they push those people further down to make themselves feel better. In the case of Rachel, when she made a public appearance about her son, people attacked her, she believes, because it made them feel like they were better parents than her. They don't want to believe that they, too, could do something neglectful or that such a thing could happen to them, so they belittle her to avoid confronting that they, too, could be in that position. Seeing her as a victim meant they also saw her as 'other.' I wasn't really expecting this kind of theme, especially right from the start. So I guess I appreciate that, as any theme of 'humans are uncaring hypocrites' pretty much resonates with me lol.
But again this is Rachel telling this from her bitter perspective after everything is said and done.
Next the page just says "Jim" at the top without explaining what that means, and we start hearing the narrator -- who I thought was Rachel for the longest time -- talking about their insomnia and anxiety and how it is ruining their life. It actually does a pretty good job of illustrating insomnia and anxiety and how crippling it can be and how other people can't fully realize what it's like when they're not feeling it.
Anyway, like WELL into this part I guess this is Jim talking. I don't know if it's his diary or what but this is Jim and I don't even know who the hell Jim is??? This reminds me of those bad fanfiction.net fics that like just have a few paragraphs then say like *~*~ Naruto's POV ~*~* and then just continue like that and jump around and it's like please no don't do this???
Generally I have a lot of difficulty with these "POV" type stories lmao. But I've already come to terms with it in this book. It's not that I don't want to hear different perspectives it's just harder for me to follow because reading is hard enough for me as is XD
But I'm kinda glad to be hearing two different perspectives.
Jim is ... kind of annoying? So far his character is that "real men don't show feelings" type but he just... explicitly states it? Like he just says things like "I believe feelings are a sign of weakness." like... do people who feel like this actually... say it like that? Don't they just act weird and aggressive and continue to pretend not to have feelings? Not just... say they have them but they believe it's weakness?? It's super weird. Like, he says it to his counselor but like... he's supposed to be being difficult and aggressive with the counselor so I think it's weird for him to talk like that? It just doesn't seem... realistic to me? I don't know. I just think he's hard to relate to I guess. I don't feel like I've ever known anyone like that. I mean, I've known people who are afraid to show feelings and view them as weakness but they don't just plainly and explicitly describe the way they feel about feelings XD
Anyway, Jim's story is pretty different than Rachel's in that it seems to just focus on him getting therapy and doesn't talk about Rachel or the events of the Ben case (other than the fact that his issues started occurring from the time of the case onward). Apparently he is forced to get the therapy by the police department or whatever (they use all these acronyms and whatever and this takes place in England and I have no idea what any of this crap is XD) but he is reluctant and thinks it's stupid and is fighting against it, but has to do it so he won't lose his job. But he plans to get through it by just being a stubborn dick the whole time. Though he's already failing because the therapist got a little out of him lol.
Anyway, basically he seems extremely distraught over the Ben case which makes me assume that something really terrible is going to happen. Only just now looking up the author to confirm my hunch she was a one-of-those white woman (seems possible lol) I see this book is described as a "thriller" so I'm a bit nervous about continuing lol. "Thriller" isn't really the kind of story I would choose to read on my own XD but I do think the premise is interesting because it vaguely reminds me of Heavy Rain lmao.
Anyway, between the two Jim parts (there was one that was his... journal I guess idk, and then one that was a transcript of his meeting with the therapist), there was another Rachel part where she was describing the day of Ben's disappearance. Basically she took him to play in the woods/park thing where they often go and let him run off for a couple minutes on his own, but when she went to catch up with him, he was gone (uh, he's 8 years old btw) and she couldn't find him. Some old lady passed by and offered to help, and eventually it took a very long time and she got very panicked (uh she was pretty panicked from the beginning but it got worse lol)
But yeah I liked this part because her spiral into panic was very well-paced. Like she didn't just appear where she was supposed to meet up with the kid and start going OMG HE'S GONE lol. She had a twinge of nervousness like anyone would when their kid is not where they are supposed to be. But she thinks to more common outcomes first -- he's probably playing hide and seek like he likes to do. So she tries calling out teasing things to lure him out, wandering around, having fun with it but feeling a little worried on the inside. Then just kind of starts looking more hurriedly and calling out directly, and just gets more and more sick and panicked as it goes on. Eventually it starts to become more surreal to her. I think that seems very realistic. I mean I've never lost my kid before but I just thought it was very believable.
Anyway, after looking for a bit with the old lady she ends up at this other part of the park where there's soccer team and a literal band of LARPers like in costume and everything?!?! And she is freaking out but she knows some of the soccer kids and their parents and they organize a little civilian search party and one of the dads calls the police for her (she's pretty out of it by this point). And like, the LARPers are helping look too. Like, IDK why they added LARPers??? It seems so random but yeah XD Also some guy with a bike. Anyway I thought it was weird all of these people just suddenly banded together to help her out, but then I remembered this isn't taking place in America and maybe people would actually think a lost kid is a reason to help out in other places? I feel like here people would just yell scriptures at her or express half-hearted condolences and then try to get away quickly?
Anyway, that aside, there was some awkwardness when the dad showed up, and Rachel wanted to hug him but didn't?? And yeah idk it was weird. Also this guy just totally abandoned his kid and now he's worried about him only after he's missing? What a douche.
Also Rachel has a sister named Nicky (I'm really surprised I remember all these names XD) who is kind of like the annoying perfect mom sister or whatever, she has 4 daughters and spoils her husband and does a million things and likes to prove she can do it all? Rachel seems uncomfortable with her but they don't seem to dislike each other. Just being around her too long stresses her out. Which is understandable.
And I think that's all I've really read so far? I wanna read more but I can't with the noise lol X_X And it will probably be hard to read at Dennis's too because he constantly interrupts me even when it's obvious I'm doing something and even when I make it known I'm doing something so... >_>;;; And the next couple of days are going to be... yeah. So I guess I'll read more like... on... Monday... X_X hopefully I don't forget everything.
The point of writing this is to help me remember though and have reference in the case I forget XD
But yeah I was expecting/hoping this would be like... an introspective into the mind of a mother who had to go through having a missing child, and how it changed her perspective of the world around her. But it seems like it's going to be some of that and then also like some kind of murder mystery or something. I don't like murder or mystery so I'm nervous XD
But yeah I need to take a shower but I don't want to go out of my room because my dad is here but I know he won't ever go into his room and will probably fall asleep on his chair and have the TV blasting until like 3 or 4 in the morning? But I'm already getting tired and I'm very slimy and need to shower... and I need to go to the bathroom??? But I don't want to just sit in here all night X_X especially since I can't sleep like this... but I don't want to wait til like 4AM to go to the bathroom (I'll be too tired to shower then??) But like... I just... can't... go out there??????????????????????
Anxiety is fun ^_^ I might try to force it soon though. I also am very thirsty. There are like too many forces at work here... gotta pee, gotta drink, gotta shower... it might force me into going out of the room. It's also really warm in here and I'm sweating a lot?! I should open the window but then it will get freezing XD
Anyway, some thoughts about the beginning of the book. I read the first 47 pages if you are worried about spoilers. We all have the same copy of the book so the page numbers should align XD
OKKKK so this is, to put it very short, a story about a single mother who lost her son (as in missing person).
I guess the story is told in the form of what seems like... collected materials? Like I think the parts told by Rachel (the mom) are supposed to be her blog posts or diary or something. And then there's like... transcripts of this police guy and stuff too?? And the story seems to jump between the "perspectives" of these two people -- Rachel, the mother whose son disappeared, and Jim, the... detective? officer? whatever assigned to the case.
Rachel is very relatable and pretty much just your expected white suburban mom type? Though I think she might live in some kind of rural cottage thing but IDK if she always lives there or what??? I didn't really understand. Anyway, her husband left her in a maybe-too-cliché affair with another woman, just packed up and left on Boxing Day for the hot girl, while Rachel was perfect and did everything right and was being a good wife, mother, and independent businesswoman. Of course, we're hearing from Rachel's perspective so maybe she wasn't really so great. Anyway, she was left to care for her son Ben on her own. The story seems to just... assume that we all feel that mothers and fathers have clearly different roles in a family and that mothers do all of the child rearing and fathers just tell kids to be independent or something idk. Also Rachel blames the other woman for her husband cheating on her and abandoning their family without warning which is not relatable and um no???
What I like about the Rachel parts is that she's very real. She's tired of people and has come to discover the cruelty of society after dealing with the loss of her son. The beginning of the story starts out with her talking about how you can't trust anyone, but particularly talks about how people's reaction to seeing her as a victim wasn't to protect or help her, but attack her. And I think it makes a good point about how people don't want to confront the problems of others or see themselves as someone who can make mistakes, so when other people have problems, they push those people further down to make themselves feel better. In the case of Rachel, when she made a public appearance about her son, people attacked her, she believes, because it made them feel like they were better parents than her. They don't want to believe that they, too, could do something neglectful or that such a thing could happen to them, so they belittle her to avoid confronting that they, too, could be in that position. Seeing her as a victim meant they also saw her as 'other.' I wasn't really expecting this kind of theme, especially right from the start. So I guess I appreciate that, as any theme of 'humans are uncaring hypocrites' pretty much resonates with me lol.
But again this is Rachel telling this from her bitter perspective after everything is said and done.
Next the page just says "Jim" at the top without explaining what that means, and we start hearing the narrator -- who I thought was Rachel for the longest time -- talking about their insomnia and anxiety and how it is ruining their life. It actually does a pretty good job of illustrating insomnia and anxiety and how crippling it can be and how other people can't fully realize what it's like when they're not feeling it.
Anyway, like WELL into this part I guess this is Jim talking. I don't know if it's his diary or what but this is Jim and I don't even know who the hell Jim is??? This reminds me of those bad fanfiction.net fics that like just have a few paragraphs then say like *~*~ Naruto's POV ~*~* and then just continue like that and jump around and it's like please no don't do this???
Generally I have a lot of difficulty with these "POV" type stories lmao. But I've already come to terms with it in this book. It's not that I don't want to hear different perspectives it's just harder for me to follow because reading is hard enough for me as is XD
But I'm kinda glad to be hearing two different perspectives.
Jim is ... kind of annoying? So far his character is that "real men don't show feelings" type but he just... explicitly states it? Like he just says things like "I believe feelings are a sign of weakness." like... do people who feel like this actually... say it like that? Don't they just act weird and aggressive and continue to pretend not to have feelings? Not just... say they have them but they believe it's weakness?? It's super weird. Like, he says it to his counselor but like... he's supposed to be being difficult and aggressive with the counselor so I think it's weird for him to talk like that? It just doesn't seem... realistic to me? I don't know. I just think he's hard to relate to I guess. I don't feel like I've ever known anyone like that. I mean, I've known people who are afraid to show feelings and view them as weakness but they don't just plainly and explicitly describe the way they feel about feelings XD
Anyway, Jim's story is pretty different than Rachel's in that it seems to just focus on him getting therapy and doesn't talk about Rachel or the events of the Ben case (other than the fact that his issues started occurring from the time of the case onward). Apparently he is forced to get the therapy by the police department or whatever (they use all these acronyms and whatever and this takes place in England and I have no idea what any of this crap is XD) but he is reluctant and thinks it's stupid and is fighting against it, but has to do it so he won't lose his job. But he plans to get through it by just being a stubborn dick the whole time. Though he's already failing because the therapist got a little out of him lol.
Anyway, basically he seems extremely distraught over the Ben case which makes me assume that something really terrible is going to happen. Only just now looking up the author to confirm my hunch she was a one-of-those white woman (seems possible lol) I see this book is described as a "thriller" so I'm a bit nervous about continuing lol. "Thriller" isn't really the kind of story I would choose to read on my own XD but I do think the premise is interesting because it vaguely reminds me of Heavy Rain lmao.
Anyway, between the two Jim parts (there was one that was his... journal I guess idk, and then one that was a transcript of his meeting with the therapist), there was another Rachel part where she was describing the day of Ben's disappearance. Basically she took him to play in the woods/park thing where they often go and let him run off for a couple minutes on his own, but when she went to catch up with him, he was gone (uh, he's 8 years old btw) and she couldn't find him. Some old lady passed by and offered to help, and eventually it took a very long time and she got very panicked (uh she was pretty panicked from the beginning but it got worse lol)
But yeah I liked this part because her spiral into panic was very well-paced. Like she didn't just appear where she was supposed to meet up with the kid and start going OMG HE'S GONE lol. She had a twinge of nervousness like anyone would when their kid is not where they are supposed to be. But she thinks to more common outcomes first -- he's probably playing hide and seek like he likes to do. So she tries calling out teasing things to lure him out, wandering around, having fun with it but feeling a little worried on the inside. Then just kind of starts looking more hurriedly and calling out directly, and just gets more and more sick and panicked as it goes on. Eventually it starts to become more surreal to her. I think that seems very realistic. I mean I've never lost my kid before but I just thought it was very believable.
Anyway, after looking for a bit with the old lady she ends up at this other part of the park where there's soccer team and a literal band of LARPers like in costume and everything?!?! And she is freaking out but she knows some of the soccer kids and their parents and they organize a little civilian search party and one of the dads calls the police for her (she's pretty out of it by this point). And like, the LARPers are helping look too. Like, IDK why they added LARPers??? It seems so random but yeah XD Also some guy with a bike. Anyway I thought it was weird all of these people just suddenly banded together to help her out, but then I remembered this isn't taking place in America and maybe people would actually think a lost kid is a reason to help out in other places? I feel like here people would just yell scriptures at her or express half-hearted condolences and then try to get away quickly?
Anyway, that aside, there was some awkwardness when the dad showed up, and Rachel wanted to hug him but didn't?? And yeah idk it was weird. Also this guy just totally abandoned his kid and now he's worried about him only after he's missing? What a douche.
Also Rachel has a sister named Nicky (I'm really surprised I remember all these names XD) who is kind of like the annoying perfect mom sister or whatever, she has 4 daughters and spoils her husband and does a million things and likes to prove she can do it all? Rachel seems uncomfortable with her but they don't seem to dislike each other. Just being around her too long stresses her out. Which is understandable.
And I think that's all I've really read so far? I wanna read more but I can't with the noise lol X_X And it will probably be hard to read at Dennis's too because he constantly interrupts me even when it's obvious I'm doing something and even when I make it known I'm doing something so... >_>;;; And the next couple of days are going to be... yeah. So I guess I'll read more like... on... Monday... X_X hopefully I don't forget everything.
The point of writing this is to help me remember though and have reference in the case I forget XD
But yeah I was expecting/hoping this would be like... an introspective into the mind of a mother who had to go through having a missing child, and how it changed her perspective of the world around her. But it seems like it's going to be some of that and then also like some kind of murder mystery or something. I don't like murder or mystery so I'm nervous XD
But yeah I need to take a shower but I don't want to go out of my room because my dad is here but I know he won't ever go into his room and will probably fall asleep on his chair and have the TV blasting until like 3 or 4 in the morning? But I'm already getting tired and I'm very slimy and need to shower... and I need to go to the bathroom??? But I don't want to just sit in here all night X_X especially since I can't sleep like this... but I don't want to wait til like 4AM to go to the bathroom (I'll be too tired to shower then??) But like... I just... can't... go out there??????????????????????
Anxiety is fun ^_^ I might try to force it soon though. I also am very thirsty. There are like too many forces at work here... gotta pee, gotta drink, gotta shower... it might force me into going out of the room. It's also really warm in here and I'm sweating a lot?! I should open the window but then it will get freezing XD
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no subject
Date: 2016-11-26 01:48 pm (UTC)LOL yes xD
This reminds me of those bad fanfiction.net fics that like just have a few paragraphs then say like *~*~ Naruto's POV ~*~* and then just continue like that and jump around and it's like please no don't do this???
ROFL yes omg I hate this. I am reading a book (Well... I started it like 3 months ago and have stopped haha) that does this. Each chapter is someone new and it jumps back and forth, and they have weird foreign names that aren't different enough for me to be able to tell who is who (like Shams and Shabram or something instead of Shams and ...IDK, Iqbal lol) and they all have quite similar situations as well, so it's hard to tell who is now speaking or which POV I'm reading. Also what makes it worse is that 2 people are modern era, and then it goes back to ancient people and their POV... but the ancient people and their POV is IN THE BOOK the modern people are reading??? OMG though I picked 100% the wrong book to start reading again.
It's actually a very interesting book, especially after speaking to a girl at work about it and how it's like... based on another book. It's hard to explain without giving everything away but I've made it sound like plagiarism and that's not it at all xD
There's basically an ancient Islamic book that is real, and the book is kind of about someone reviewing a book for her job, but that book is about the journey of someone else/other people who get involved in the writing of that original book.
there's probably a better way of explaining this book but clearly I am not really following it XD
Don't they just act weird and aggressive and continue to pretend not to have feelings?
yes. haha but I guess if it's written like it's his POV and in his head then maybe that's ok? But then even I don't literally THINK "FEELS ARE WEAK", I just know they are (but also know they're not??) and act like a dick because I don't want to show I have feelings xD
I was expecting/hoping this would be like... an introspective into the mind of a mother who had to go through having a missing child,
Have you read 'we need to talk about kevin'? IF you can cope, you should... it's not a missing kid but similar kind of premise I suppose. I don't know if you are on Goodreads - I am, but I don't understand it. The point is that maybe if you add it on there it recommends other stuff? IDK if it does, I'm just making groundless recommendations lmao
no subject
Date: 2016-11-27 03:36 am (UTC)but I guess if it's written like it's his POV and in his head then maybe that's ok?
Hmm yeah I guess so but yeah like you said I think people like that don't even think "Hmm. I believe feelings at weakness." But like this wasn't even like that -- it was a transcript of him and someone else talking and he just plainly said "I believe feelings are weaknesses." or something like that LOL
I have Goodreads account but I literally never use it. I've used it twice -- once when I first signed up, and all I did was mess with my profile. And then again when I decided to start reading this book... and all I did was mess with my profile. If you link it through your facebook I think it automatically adds your friends from there so we might be friends on it already? XDDDD idk. (Yes, I just checked and we are friends on there LOL) I should try it out more???
no subject
Date: 2016-12-17 05:29 pm (UTC)Maybe he has social problems and he just says shit like he's a robot or something... IDK why am I even trying to justify it? I don't care; I didn't write this book/recommend this book lmao I just agree it is stupid xD
haha I just went back on Goodreads to find that review, I still don't know what the point is. Lots of people on my book club are on something called...Netgalley I think? You get freebies there, but there's some weird rules around it and I really can't be bothered to read it and sign up and blaaaaaaaaargh. I'm re-reading Frankenstein right now to try and get back into reading properly before I pick up modern books. I'm a creature of habit and I know what I like and I'm very reluctant to read things with romantic sub-plots lol
no subject
Date: 2016-12-20 06:47 pm (UTC)lmao yeah thankfully it was just that one part where he was like "feels are weak" and the rest was pretty good XD The ending was stupid too but overall I liked the book and characters.
Yeah I just searched netgalley and it seems like you have to be some kind of like professional reviewer or something lol so they probably do have weird rules and I don't care to learn it either XD
I can do romantic subplots and even romance stories but it has to be a certain type, otherwise I can't stand it.
I've never read Frankenstein but I've always been curious about it. I've never seen any of the various film adaptations or whatever either. I know very little about it other than 'doctor makes monster thing or something' and that Frankenstein is the person not the monster. That's it LOL
no subject
Date: 2016-12-22 09:27 pm (UTC)oh fuck netgalley then. I think you have to read new books within X amount of time as well blaabslfafhadfhalfhadl NO.
Frankenstein is really good... Jungle Book is loads better though, but I don't have it soooooooo Frankenstein it is xD
no subject
Date: 2016-12-23 12:32 am (UTC)LOL omg yeah I would not do well with rules like that XD
I've never read Jungle Book either, just saw the Disney cartoon XD Which I like the cartoon at least but I assume it's quite different from the book.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-29 08:38 pm (UTC)The sister, Nicky, really bothers me for some reason. She is too perfect. Something ain't right. D:
I feel like Ben drowned, and left his soggy clothes, and his dog broke his leg trying to swim in and save him... but his corpse would be there, unless it drifted away? I don't remember, but I thought they found his clothes by a lake or a pond, some body of water. That seems suspicious. Could he have thought "What a great day for a swim!" and the undercurrent got him.
Why didn't they dust the dog for fingerprints? I mean, carefully go over that dog with a fine tooth comb for evidence? If the dog's leg was broken, it might have indicated a struggle? Look under those claws for DNA evidence. Look at the teeth... they probably already did that- except NO, they sent the dog to the vet... which I understand, but hope they did the other stuff as well.
Really, though... that sister is acting too perfectly, and she was weird when Rachel questioned how her family was coping without her.
I think the "harlot" new wife who stole her perfect man will turn out to have a heart of gold and help Rachel find Ben. Ben will be alive, but deeply scarred, if he isn't drowned and floating somewhere. No, he can't die, because this book would be too sad. So, he must live somehow. Some stereotypical evil kidnapper, perhaps? I am REALLY curious how all of this turns out!!
P.S. LARPers will save the world, one heroic deed at a time. XD
I LOVE the murder mystery part. It keeps me guessing. Although, I hope it isn't too gruesome of an outcome.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-29 09:15 pm (UTC)Maybe the taker drowned Ben and then hid the body idk XD I also kinda remember it was near water but I already forget the details. It was also raining though so maybe I'm mixing it up XD
Can you really get fingerprints from a dog, though....? But yeah if there was a struggle and the dog had tried to bite/scratch, then there could easily be some blood or something? But IDK that sounds like it might work in CSI shows but I think IRL it might be impossible to get anything from that...? I don't really know though lol. I didn't even think of it when it happened XD
I felt like Nicky acted perfectly because she's obsessed with being a "Little Miss Perfect" type. I feel like she may not be sincere, but not enough to suspect her? But I'm also dangerously trusting so oops.
I do half expect (and kinda hope) that Katrina will turn out to be a sweetheart and very helpful, and she and Rachel can become friends (maybe even both ditch the cheating husband XD)
I think he probably dies or something honestly. I mean, investigating the case seems to have given Jim some pretty severe trauma. He's developed a mental disorder over it. So I have a feeling the outcome has to be something terrible for it to affect him like that? I mean, it could just be a stress thing since it was a huge case for him, and maybe the girlfriend (Emma? I forget her name right now) leaves him and he's being threatened with losing his job (but it seems the threat of losing his job is because he may be unfit to work with his new disorder lol so IDK)
Even though I said I don't guess as I go, when I'm talking about it outside of it like this, I guess I do start to theorize and guess and stuff XD But when I'm actively reading I don't think a single thing about what might happen or who did it or whatever XD I am just completely absorbed in the precise moment of the narration and nothing else XD A thoughtless observer. I may as well be a video camera.