cruiserweight ranking update
Jan. 3rd, 2018 11:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marchionessofmustacheSooooo I've been kinda hardcore working on the unsaga site and I wanna take a little break from that so today I will prol work mostly on play diaries idk (actually I still want to work on the unsaga site I just don't want to get burned out and I recently got over a kind of frustrating part so I should prol take a break)
but I'm going to also redo the cruiserweight ranking because it's changed a lot and there's new people and stuff and I've wanted to do this for a long time LOL.
Also I had to make TWO phone calls today and need to unwind.
Anyway, since making the last ranking I've actually gone back and watched every ep of 205 Live from the beginning as well as the Cruiserweight Classic and of course all the 205 Live eps that have aired since the last time, so I know a lot more about everyone now and also some things have happened so I have stronger and better (lol) opinions!!
I can't remember what I called the hotness ranking last time so I'mma just call it 'lust ranking' because it parallels better with 'love ranking.' It's been affected a lot because various aspects of people's personalities have dropped or raised them I guess, plus there's new people.
Also I'm including a few cw who aren't on 205. But I mean they're still cws and I love them. I'm also including some randos idrk because I wanted to include everyone who was on 205 even if they were only on for like 5 seconds.
Based solely on how much I want their dick in my mouth, pretty much.
27. Rich Swann - My current "I'm mad at them so they're not hot" person. Well, he recently was fired because he assaulted his wife in public (which means who knows how often this happened in private, too??) which is gross and like abusers are not hot by any means. Like, in fiction, it can be, but IRL? ew. It's a real shame because he was a great performer. But no amount of performance makes up for domestic violence. Soz not soz Rich.
26. TJP - Wooo. My feels about TJP have been quite a ride. He was super generic to me at first, then after watching the CWC he was like SUPER MY FAV, then learning more about him (he's an MRA lol) he's become gross. At least AFAIK all he does is say stupid shit on twitter so that puts him above being an abuser at least I guess.
25. Hideo Itami - I'm kinda annoyed with him right now so he's kinda low on the list lmaoo. He only recently joined the 205 roster, but before that he was just like... idk, NXT guy? IDK. Then he disappeared for a while. He's like... old, which is generally nice but he moves so slow and is super boring to watch fight. And then he botched a move and legit broke Kendrick's nose which like... I realize that stuff happens a lot but like... we're already not seeing enough Kendrick already so I'm bitter about it. Uh, as for actual appearance commentary... his face is not my face type preference and his scruffy look doesn't really work for him; it's a bit too patchy so it just looks kinda gross, like the hairs that grow way too far up on my cheeks look when they get long LOL. He's not ugly or anything, of course, but he's just kinda eehhhh all around.
24. Ho Ho Lun - I don't know. He was only in the CWC and then was on the first ep of 205 just being introduced but he never actually debuted soooo lol. Plus he's really not my type anyway. I did like him for what I got to see and was a little disappointed he never ended up doing anything.
23-22. Samir and Sunil Singh - I'm more just putting them here because they're cruiserweights and should be on the list I guess but I'm equally uninterested in both of them LOL. They were kinda cute as The Bollywood Boys but as The Singh Brothers they don't really partake in cruiserweight stuff anymore and are super boring even though I super love Jinder Mahal. Also they have round heads and generic beards and not my type really I guess. One of them has a good nose but you almost never get to see it so *shrug*
21. Noam Dar - Alicia Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooox. Sorry Noam lol. I love him to death but I think he actually puts me OUT of the mood hahaha. Not that he's bad looking, he's just WAY too goofy.
20. Johnny Gargano - I love him but he's just soooo generic looking to me??? I don't know how to desc it but it's like seeing a stock photo or something which I just can't get into. The only reason he's lower than Dunne is because I have a stronger personal attachment to him so I guess if I had to go for either one, it'd be more interesting with Pete LOLLL
19. Pete Dunne - OK I want to clarify I REALLY REALLY REALLY love Pete Dunne, I just... don't feel like I want to do the sex with him (but lbr if any cruiserweight asked me to, I'd drop to my knees in an instant, so LOL) but I super love watching him fight anyway.
18. Gentleman Jack Gallagher - I probably had him up higher last time because I was super enamored with him and his mustache. I still love love love Jack to death (he's my phone wallpaper LOL) but he's just too silly and cutie for me to think of him in a sexy way??? Like I can't even imagine him performing sex acts so like LOL. But uh... another version of him is going to be like way up this list so this shows how stupid and nonsensical I am :D
17. Cedric Alexander - He's suuuper cute but not in a hot way lmao. Recently his beard is really fuzzy which is cute, too. It's really hard to find recent pictures of these people...
16. Akira Tozawa - Definitely a cutie. Not really my type (a bit too... boyish I guess? even though he has a pretty masculine face idk LOL), but +points for mustache.
15. The Brian Kendrick - I go back and forth on how hot I think he is because he has a lot of iffy features. Kind of 'prettyboy' face and a circle beard which I sometimes like and sometimes don't. Love his hair though. His personality even is sometimes attractive and sometimes not. It's not ever that I don't like him it's just sometimes I'm MORE into him than normal. Overall nice though.
14. Totally Drew Gulak - Probably rose a bit since last time because I didn't really know him pre-politician persona, but it seems that beardly Gulak was actually a sadist who liked to listen to his opponents' cries of pain which is super hot. Plus my overall love for Drew has grown a loooot since last time I think. (I think I was just starting to fall deep for him then haha)
13. Austin Aries - It's really hard to rank him because I have many feels about him. Like in general he's very hot but like sometimes about his beard shape I DO NOT LIKE even though I think it's cool? Also banana.
12. Tajiri - May have been higher if I knew him better or something, but he's super cute, a nice older-guy body, and he spit weird green stuff on Kendrick. But he was in like two episodes ever and never ended up fighting I think??? lol. So I never got to know him that well
11. Tyler Bate - OK this is the power of mustache here LOL. For the most part he's just kinda silly-looking, and now he has a full beard so the mustache is even less powerful but like... mustache. And when he's not making a silly face, it looks pretty fackin fine.
10. Gran Metalik - Luchadores in generally are attractive (I just love masks and costumes and crap XD) but Metalik has a nice body and long hair too which is great. He's like... severely underused, but he is a great in-ring performer, too.
9. Mustafa Ali - I think it's impossible to dislike Mustafa Ali?? But anyway his NOSE OMFG. He also is very smiley and wonderful in general. Really he is like tied with Kalisto I guess??? It's hard to choose (honestly this list is so random because I can't really choose the placement with most of these LOL)
8. Kalisto - I think last time I made this list, Kalisto had JUST joined the 205 roster, and I didn't really know him from RAW so I didn't really know him yet. At first I thought he was going to be like, the least interesting of the Luchas but now I super love him and as far as lust ranking goes, he seems like he'd be the type to smile during sex which is hot LOLLLLLLLLL and honestly I just think he would give you a good time.
7. Lince Dorado - OK IDK WHY ALL THE LUCHADORES ARE LIKE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER I guess because they have very similar appeal; I like him for pretty much the exact same reasons as Kalisto, but I've 'known' him longer. Plus of the Luchas, he probably has the least attractive costume, but the most attractive body/face (well, what we can see of his face, anyway).
6. Enzo Amore - Last time he was near rock bottom in the lust ranking because I had recently learned how shitty of a person he was and was super disgusted with him. But since then I've had a liiiiitttle bit of success separating Eric (actor) from Enzo (character) and despite hating him I can't get over how ridiculously cute he is in a weird hot way and I hate myself.
5. Cruel Winter Jack Gallagher - OK he looks exactly the same except for his hair is often a little more messy and he dresses in more browns now (though not in this picture LOL) but also the way he carries himself is completely different. The way he fights is totally different now, too. He's turned from an acrobatic showboat to a street brawler which... honestly is a LOT less interesting to watch because his old fights were some of the BEST in-ring entertainment and now it's just a bunch of holds and punching... but he does fight full-suited, sometimes strips little bits of it away, and is obsessed with punishing his opponents which is of course HOT. He's turned from dork friend Gallagher to Sado-Daddy Gallgher and as far as lust ranking is concerned, that blasts him up the charts. Still miss his old wrestling style, though.
4. Tony Nese - This is probably my 'I'm currently having feels about them so they're much higher' person. Though I'm super mad that the shows are not addressing the whole thing between him and drew like it just never happened even after it was such a big and dramatic plot twist like...?????????????? But uh I already liked Tony a lot and he has a big beard and BEAUTIFUL hair and 8 abs (lmao) and he's so funny and cute and has a superb personality and he's Drew's boyfriend (except not now idk) and laksjdflkadsjf Tony.
3. Ariya Daivari - I tried to find a pic of him with the yellow sunglasses + keffiyeh because it's hoooooooooooooootttttttttttt but it's hard to find even though that's like what he wears regularly now (well actually he doesn't wear the keffiyeh as much now) but nope. He's got a great nose and is beardly and just generally handsome type.
2. Neville - The only reason he's not #1 is because he's been gone for a while now and it's depressing and it's given me a lot of time to get super attached to Drew. But holy crap do I love Neville and like... if I was still actively into him he'd defo be on top and I want him on top yes.
1. PowerPoint Drew Gulak - YES, MY DADDY GULAK. Before he was a kinda goofy guy who had a sadist side and now he's a goofy SUITED POLITICIAN guy who is hilarious and has an even more developed sadist side and god I want him to punish me. He was naked-shaven for a while but he's bringing the beard back and as weird as this sounds I'm not sure which look I like better. Honestly to accentuate his 'sleazy politician' shtick, he should just wear a mustache, right??? Anyway hot hot hot hot hot. Plus he seems to be a great guy BTS which is hot too.
This one is just overall how much I like them beyond just how much I want them to fuck my face.
I'm getting kinda tired of writing this but I at least want the ranking so I'm not gonna write any descriptions, especially since I kinda talked about most stuff I wanted to talk about in the previous section anyway.
27.Rich Swann
26.TJP
25-24.Singh Brothers
23.Ho Ho Lun
22.Hideo Itami
21.Tajiri
20.Enzo Amore
19.Lince Dorado
18.Totally Drew Gulak
17.Johnny Gargano
16.Noam Dar
15.Tyler Bate
14.The Brian Kendrick
13.Akira Tozawa
12.Gran Metalik
11.Ariya Daivari
10.Austin Aries
9.Pete Dunne
8.Cruel Winter Jack Gallagher
7.Kalisto
6.Mustafa Ali
5.Cedric Alexander
4.Neville *
3.Tony Nese
2.Gentleman Jack Gallagher
1.PowerPoint Drew Gulak
* If Neville returned to 205 he'd probably jump up to #1 immediately, just saying. #StillMyKing
Out of curiosity, here's the ranking based on each character's points added together.
54 - Rich Swann
52 - TJP
48 - Samir Singh, Sunil Singh
47 - Hideo Itami, Ho Ho Lun
37 - Noam Dar, Johnny Wrestling
33 - Tajiri
32 - Totally!Drew
29 - Tozawa, Kendrick
28 - Bruiserweight
26 - Tyler Bate, Lince Dorado, Enzo
23 - Austin Aries
22 - Cedric, Metalik
20 - Gentyjack
15 - Mustafa Ali, Kalisto
14 - Daivari Dinero
13 - Crueljack
7 - Tony Nese
6 - Neville
2- Drew.ppt
but I'm going to also redo the cruiserweight ranking because it's changed a lot and there's new people and stuff and I've wanted to do this for a long time LOL.
Also I had to make TWO phone calls today and need to unwind.
Anyway, since making the last ranking I've actually gone back and watched every ep of 205 Live from the beginning as well as the Cruiserweight Classic and of course all the 205 Live eps that have aired since the last time, so I know a lot more about everyone now and also some things have happened so I have stronger and better (lol) opinions!!
I can't remember what I called the hotness ranking last time so I'mma just call it 'lust ranking' because it parallels better with 'love ranking.' It's been affected a lot because various aspects of people's personalities have dropped or raised them I guess, plus there's new people.
Also I'm including a few cw who aren't on 205. But I mean they're still cws and I love them. I'm also including some randos idrk because I wanted to include everyone who was on 205 even if they were only on for like 5 seconds.
Lust Ranking
Based solely on how much I want their dick in my mouth, pretty much.
27. Rich Swann - My current "I'm mad at them so they're not hot" person. Well, he recently was fired because he assaulted his wife in public (which means who knows how often this happened in private, too??) which is gross and like abusers are not hot by any means. Like, in fiction, it can be, but IRL? ew. It's a real shame because he was a great performer. But no amount of performance makes up for domestic violence. Soz not soz Rich.
26. TJP - Wooo. My feels about TJP have been quite a ride. He was super generic to me at first, then after watching the CWC he was like SUPER MY FAV, then learning more about him (he's an MRA lol) he's become gross. At least AFAIK all he does is say stupid shit on twitter so that puts him above being an abuser at least I guess.
25. Hideo Itami - I'm kinda annoyed with him right now so he's kinda low on the list lmaoo. He only recently joined the 205 roster, but before that he was just like... idk, NXT guy? IDK. Then he disappeared for a while. He's like... old, which is generally nice but he moves so slow and is super boring to watch fight. And then he botched a move and legit broke Kendrick's nose which like... I realize that stuff happens a lot but like... we're already not seeing enough Kendrick already so I'm bitter about it. Uh, as for actual appearance commentary... his face is not my face type preference and his scruffy look doesn't really work for him; it's a bit too patchy so it just looks kinda gross, like the hairs that grow way too far up on my cheeks look when they get long LOL. He's not ugly or anything, of course, but he's just kinda eehhhh all around.
24. Ho Ho Lun - I don't know. He was only in the CWC and then was on the first ep of 205 just being introduced but he never actually debuted soooo lol. Plus he's really not my type anyway. I did like him for what I got to see and was a little disappointed he never ended up doing anything.
23-22. Samir and Sunil Singh - I'm more just putting them here because they're cruiserweights and should be on the list I guess but I'm equally uninterested in both of them LOL. They were kinda cute as The Bollywood Boys but as The Singh Brothers they don't really partake in cruiserweight stuff anymore and are super boring even though I super love Jinder Mahal. Also they have round heads and generic beards and not my type really I guess. One of them has a good nose but you almost never get to see it so *shrug*
21. Noam Dar - Alicia Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooox. Sorry Noam lol. I love him to death but I think he actually puts me OUT of the mood hahaha. Not that he's bad looking, he's just WAY too goofy.
20. Johnny Gargano - I love him but he's just soooo generic looking to me??? I don't know how to desc it but it's like seeing a stock photo or something which I just can't get into. The only reason he's lower than Dunne is because I have a stronger personal attachment to him so I guess if I had to go for either one, it'd be more interesting with Pete LOLLL
19. Pete Dunne - OK I want to clarify I REALLY REALLY REALLY love Pete Dunne, I just... don't feel like I want to do the sex with him (but lbr if any cruiserweight asked me to, I'd drop to my knees in an instant, so LOL) but I super love watching him fight anyway.
18. Gentleman Jack Gallagher - I probably had him up higher last time because I was super enamored with him and his mustache. I still love love love Jack to death (he's my phone wallpaper LOL) but he's just too silly and cutie for me to think of him in a sexy way??? Like I can't even imagine him performing sex acts so like LOL. But uh... another version of him is going to be like way up this list so this shows how stupid and nonsensical I am :D
17. Cedric Alexander - He's suuuper cute but not in a hot way lmao. Recently his beard is really fuzzy which is cute, too. It's really hard to find recent pictures of these people...
16. Akira Tozawa - Definitely a cutie. Not really my type (a bit too... boyish I guess? even though he has a pretty masculine face idk LOL), but +points for mustache.
15. The Brian Kendrick - I go back and forth on how hot I think he is because he has a lot of iffy features. Kind of 'prettyboy' face and a circle beard which I sometimes like and sometimes don't. Love his hair though. His personality even is sometimes attractive and sometimes not. It's not ever that I don't like him it's just sometimes I'm MORE into him than normal. Overall nice though.
14. Totally Drew Gulak - Probably rose a bit since last time because I didn't really know him pre-politician persona, but it seems that beardly Gulak was actually a sadist who liked to listen to his opponents' cries of pain which is super hot. Plus my overall love for Drew has grown a loooot since last time I think. (I think I was just starting to fall deep for him then haha)
13. Austin Aries - It's really hard to rank him because I have many feels about him. Like in general he's very hot but like sometimes about his beard shape I DO NOT LIKE even though I think it's cool? Also banana.
12. Tajiri - May have been higher if I knew him better or something, but he's super cute, a nice older-guy body, and he spit weird green stuff on Kendrick. But he was in like two episodes ever and never ended up fighting I think??? lol. So I never got to know him that well
11. Tyler Bate - OK this is the power of mustache here LOL. For the most part he's just kinda silly-looking, and now he has a full beard so the mustache is even less powerful but like... mustache. And when he's not making a silly face, it looks pretty fackin fine.
10. Gran Metalik - Luchadores in generally are attractive (I just love masks and costumes and crap XD) but Metalik has a nice body and long hair too which is great. He's like... severely underused, but he is a great in-ring performer, too.
9. Mustafa Ali - I think it's impossible to dislike Mustafa Ali?? But anyway his NOSE OMFG. He also is very smiley and wonderful in general. Really he is like tied with Kalisto I guess??? It's hard to choose (honestly this list is so random because I can't really choose the placement with most of these LOL)
8. Kalisto - I think last time I made this list, Kalisto had JUST joined the 205 roster, and I didn't really know him from RAW so I didn't really know him yet. At first I thought he was going to be like, the least interesting of the Luchas but now I super love him and as far as lust ranking goes, he seems like he'd be the type to smile during sex which is hot LOLLLLLLLLL and honestly I just think he would give you a good time.
7. Lince Dorado - OK IDK WHY ALL THE LUCHADORES ARE LIKE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER I guess because they have very similar appeal; I like him for pretty much the exact same reasons as Kalisto, but I've 'known' him longer. Plus of the Luchas, he probably has the least attractive costume, but the most attractive body/face (well, what we can see of his face, anyway).
6. Enzo Amore - Last time he was near rock bottom in the lust ranking because I had recently learned how shitty of a person he was and was super disgusted with him. But since then I've had a liiiiitttle bit of success separating Eric (actor) from Enzo (character) and despite hating him I can't get over how ridiculously cute he is in a weird hot way and I hate myself.
5. Cruel Winter Jack Gallagher - OK he looks exactly the same except for his hair is often a little more messy and he dresses in more browns now (though not in this picture LOL) but also the way he carries himself is completely different. The way he fights is totally different now, too. He's turned from an acrobatic showboat to a street brawler which... honestly is a LOT less interesting to watch because his old fights were some of the BEST in-ring entertainment and now it's just a bunch of holds and punching... but he does fight full-suited, sometimes strips little bits of it away, and is obsessed with punishing his opponents which is of course HOT. He's turned from dork friend Gallagher to Sado-Daddy Gallgher and as far as lust ranking is concerned, that blasts him up the charts. Still miss his old wrestling style, though.
4. Tony Nese - This is probably my 'I'm currently having feels about them so they're much higher' person. Though I'm super mad that the shows are not addressing the whole thing between him and drew like it just never happened even after it was such a big and dramatic plot twist like...?????????????? But uh I already liked Tony a lot and he has a big beard and BEAUTIFUL hair and 8 abs (lmao) and he's so funny and cute and has a superb personality and he's Drew's boyfriend (except not now idk) and laksjdflkadsjf Tony.
3. Ariya Daivari - I tried to find a pic of him with the yellow sunglasses + keffiyeh because it's hoooooooooooooootttttttttttt but it's hard to find even though that's like what he wears regularly now (well actually he doesn't wear the keffiyeh as much now) but nope. He's got a great nose and is beardly and just generally handsome type.
2. Neville - The only reason he's not #1 is because he's been gone for a while now and it's depressing and it's given me a lot of time to get super attached to Drew. But holy crap do I love Neville and like... if I was still actively into him he'd defo be on top and I want him on top yes.
1. PowerPoint Drew Gulak - YES, MY DADDY GULAK. Before he was a kinda goofy guy who had a sadist side and now he's a goofy SUITED POLITICIAN guy who is hilarious and has an even more developed sadist side and god I want him to punish me. He was naked-shaven for a while but he's bringing the beard back and as weird as this sounds I'm not sure which look I like better. Honestly to accentuate his 'sleazy politician' shtick, he should just wear a mustache, right??? Anyway hot hot hot hot hot. Plus he seems to be a great guy BTS which is hot too.
Love Ranking
This one is just overall how much I like them beyond just how much I want them to fuck my face.
I'm getting kinda tired of writing this but I at least want the ranking so I'm not gonna write any descriptions, especially since I kinda talked about most stuff I wanted to talk about in the previous section anyway.
27.Rich Swann
26.TJP
25-24.Singh Brothers
23.Ho Ho Lun
22.Hideo Itami
21.Tajiri
20.Enzo Amore
19.Lince Dorado
18.Totally Drew Gulak
17.Johnny Gargano
16.Noam Dar
15.Tyler Bate
14.The Brian Kendrick
13.Akira Tozawa
12.Gran Metalik
11.Ariya Daivari
10.Austin Aries
9.Pete Dunne
8.Cruel Winter Jack Gallagher
7.Kalisto
6.Mustafa Ali
5.Cedric Alexander
4.Neville *
3.Tony Nese
2.Gentleman Jack Gallagher
1.PowerPoint Drew Gulak
* If Neville returned to 205 he'd probably jump up to #1 immediately, just saying. #StillMyKing
Combined Ranking
Out of curiosity, here's the ranking based on each character's points added together.
54 - Rich Swann
52 - TJP
48 - Samir Singh, Sunil Singh
47 - Hideo Itami, Ho Ho Lun
37 - Noam Dar, Johnny Wrestling
33 - Tajiri
32 - Totally!Drew
29 - Tozawa, Kendrick
28 - Bruiserweight
26 - Tyler Bate, Lince Dorado, Enzo
23 - Austin Aries
22 - Cedric, Metalik
20 - Gentyjack
15 - Mustafa Ali, Kalisto
14 - Daivari Dinero
13 - Crueljack
7 - Tony Nese
6 - Neville
2- Drew.ppt
